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Writing Samples
Band 5

to learn effectively, children need to eat a healthy meal at schools. how true is that statement? whose responsibility it is to provide food for school children?

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Improving the productivity in
children
Use synonyms
’s learning can be done by providing them
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
healthy diet at school. I firmly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement as the quality of
food
Use synonyms
 has become the school’s responsibility. There are two main factors why a healthy meal can help
children
Use synonyms
 learn effectively.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the balanced combination of ingredients which are contained in
food
Use synonyms
 can lead
students
Use synonyms
 to be more
focus
Replace the word
focused
show examples
 on their learning.
For example
Linking Words
, if
students
Use synonyms
' meals had the right proportion of
carbohydrate
Fix the agreement mistake
carbohydrates
show examples
,
protein
Fix the agreement mistake
proteins
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 and
fiber
Change the spelling
fibre
show examples
, it would help them concentrate more
while
Linking Words
 studying because an imbalanced proportion often easily makes
children
Use synonyms
 become lazy.
Secondly
Linking Words
, a balanced diet
also
Linking Words
 relates to health.
Children
Use synonyms
 can successfully pass their
exam
Fix the agreement mistake
exams
show examples
 if they are in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good condition.
For instance
Linking Words
, When the exam comes around,
children
Use synonyms
 usually put all their effort into revising the material. To boost their immune system can be done by consuming vitamins,
thus
Linking Words
 they will not get sick.  Providing
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 is mandatory for school since it is already included in
students
Use synonyms
' tuition fees.
Besides
Linking Words
 excellent facilities, meal is
also
Linking Words
 considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
one of the important indicators to make
children
Use synonyms
 successful at school.
For example
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many private schools,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have provided their
students
Use synonyms
 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
equal healthy
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
 for all
students
Use synonyms
. By providing
this
Linking Words
, schools hope that their
students
Use synonyms
 will pass the exam.  In conclusion, It is true that healthy
food
Use synonyms
 can help
children
Use synonyms
 learn to be more productive since
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 could result in better concentration and boost
children
Use synonyms
’s health. Providing healthy
food
Use synonyms
 has become
Correct article usage
the schools
show examples
schools
Change noun form
schools'
school's
show examples
 responsibility because it is already included in
student’s
Fix the agreement mistake
students’
show examples
 tuition.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly define your main points and perhaps provide a brief overview of how you will support them in the introduction. This can help with clarity and organization.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph maintains a logical progression. You could enhance the connection between ideas by using more linking words or phrases to guide the reader.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear viewpoint on the importance of healthy meals for effective learning, which is consistent throughout the text.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, like the mention of private schools, effectively illustrates your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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