IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people prefer to buy local commodities, while other think that world wide products have a better quality. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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There has been a constant debate about whether local
products
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 are better or high-end foreign ones.
While
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 some argue that globally sourced
items
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 are better to use, others believe locals produce just the same quality of
products
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 for a cheaper price. In my opinion, it comes down to personal choice and
demands
Correct article usage
the demands
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 of the situation.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and come to a conclusion
at the end
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. Local
products
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 often support the local
economy
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 by providing jobs and sustaining businesses.
This
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 not only supports the area's
economy
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 but
also
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 promotes community engagement. Domestic goods can often be more fresher and organic as compared to imported
items
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.
This
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 freshness can enhance nutritional value making it more appealing to health-conscious consumers.
This
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also
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 promotes sustainability as it reduces the carbon footprint associated with transportation and leads to a more environmentally friendly practice.
However
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, It is
also
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 important to consider the customer's preferences and evaluate their needs. International
products
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 have a reputation of being the best in the market,
however
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,
this
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 notion is not always true. Imported
products
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 go through rigorous packaging and transportation which damages them over time. Multinational companies charge prices tenfold for damaged goods compared to local
products
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. Brands
such
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 as "Gucci" and "Prada", are known to charge their clients with unjust prices for the same item sold locally for less than a tenth of the original price. Globally sourced
products
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 have created a mirage for consumers which harms the local
economy
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.
However
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, worldwide
products
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 frequently offer a wider variety, catering to diverse tastes and preferences, which might not always be met by local
products
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.
This
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 can elevate consumer choices, especially in a globalized market. In conclusion, both locally produced and global
items
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 have their pros and cons and play different roles in society. Domestic
products
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 contribute to the
economy
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 and help boost employment.
Whereas
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, globally sourced
products
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 cater to different needs of people and their preferences. In my opinion, it is ultimately the consumer's choice to choose what is most suitable for them. Factors
such
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 as economic status and availability play a big role in selecting local and branded
items
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. For someone with less income, it is wise to choose the cheaper locally produced item rather than the latter.

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Task Achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to strengthen your points about local and international products. Examples can help solidify your arguments and show clear comparisons.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that all your paragraphs are clearly linked to improve coherence. While the essay flows well, the connection between some ideas could be smoother to help the reader follow your argument easily.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider expanding your conclusion to summarize the key points more fully. A stronger conclusion can leave a more lasting impression on the reader and effectively reinforce your opinion.
Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly states the topic and your opinion, setting a solid foundation for the essay.
Task Achievement
You provide a balanced view of both local and international products, which reflects a strong understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
The inclusion of points about economic impact and consumer choice adds depth to your discussion, showcasing your analytical skills.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • commodities
  • local economy
  • support
  • sustainability
  • organic
  • freshness
  • carbon footprint
  • environmentally friendly
  • quality control
  • global brands
  • diverse tastes
  • consumer choices
  • competition
  • innovation
  • decline
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