IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People spend more and more time browsing social networks. Is it a positive or negative development? Should anything be done to restrict children’s access to social networks? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Nowadays
People
Use synonyms
's big problem is social networks and it became
massive
Add an article
a massive
show examples
 part of their
life
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. there are some benefits and harms
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the social
network
Use synonyms
. it depends
how
Change preposition
on how
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 to use it. especially,
people
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spend
Correct pronoun usage
who spend
show examples
 a lot of time on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media (
facebook
Capitalize word
Facebook
show examples
, Instagram,etc). it is a negative point.
However
Linking Words
, Some of them
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
use
to
Correct pronoun usage
it to
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 develop themselves, growing their
life
Use synonyms
 quality.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
this
Linking Words
 point, if we
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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look
as
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apply
show examples
positive, humanity
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 growing up with social networks. when they take
good
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the good
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 side of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology, they will create humanity again because
people
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 will open the door to their
kids
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 before school. In
present
Add an article
the present
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 day, there are massive
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
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in
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
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network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
, education,
life
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 quality, business. and lots of funds. In
this
Linking Words
 way as a negative side,
people
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 spend more time on the social
network
Use synonyms
 as useless. They are only watching
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
, playing
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 and swiping. it is just
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
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 of time.
Important
Add an article
An important
The important
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 topic is that, If you let
kids
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to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
access social networks without restriction, they will turn to worse
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
. there are no just good
people
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 on it, criminals, impostors, etc. We can see some news, A child killed someone because of a game. In conclusion, there are benefits and harms. if we lecture to
kids
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 properly, it will be a present for us. First of all, We have to lecture to parents after that
kids
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.
in
Capitalize word
In
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 my experience, my friend found a company and right now he lives
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 good quality
life
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and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
 my other friend started to bet
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online,
he
Correct word choice
and he
show examples
 lost his all money. If you trust yourself to get in the social
network
Use synonyms
 or stay away.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to structure your essay clearly with distinct paragraphs for the introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea.
task achievement
Enhance the clarity of your arguments by providing specific examples and elaborating on your points. This helps demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Use varied vocabulary and grammatical structures to enhance the quality of your writing. This will help you convey your points more effectively.
task achievement
You have highlighted both positive and negative aspects of social networks, which adds depth to your argument.
task achievement
You introduced a relevant personal experience related to the impact of social networks on individuals' lives.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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