Nowadays, celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and some people say that this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is true that increasingly
celebrities
are more famous for their external conditions, such
as good-looking, beautiful shape, fashionable wearing and wealth rather than the achievements that they have . I highly agree that there undoubtedly be some negative consequences of this
trend for ordinary people and the younger generation.
Primarily, the prevalence of glamorous celebrities
attracting followers based on their appearance rather than their talents is a concerning phenomenon. For instance
, in China, many young singers with appealing looks draw millions of fans to their concerts, even if they use pre-recorded songs. This
emphasis on external beauty over genuine talent leads to a skewed distribution of resources, with capital investments flowing towards those who may lack artistic prowess but possess marketable aesthetics. Consequently
, truly talented individuals, committed to honing their skills, may find themselves overshadowed and forgotten.
Moreover
, the negative influence of this
trend extends beyond the realm of the entertainment industry, setting harmful examples for the public. The illusion that popularity can be achieved through glamour and material conditions, rather than genuine achievements, has a profound impact. This
is evident in the increasing prevalence of individuals, particularly women, opting for facial surgeries instead
of investing in personal development, such
as academic pursuits and intellectual growth. The obsession with extreme physical attributes promoted by celebrities
can lead to widespread dissatisfaction and frustration among the public.
In conclusion, I strongly agree that celebrities
should not be acclaimed for their glamour or wealth but for their achievements in their career path in an authentic manner because this
trend will have a harmful impact on the public.Submitted by erminelyu on
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coherence cohesion
Though you have presented the introduction and conclusion, the main points could be better supported with more varied examples. Consider drawing on a wider range of evidence, including statistics, expert opinions, or cross-cultural references, to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
You have addressed the prompt, but to improve, ensure all parts of the task are fully covered. The argument would benefit from a more nuanced approach, including a fair consideration of opposing viewpoints. This balance can better demonstrate the complexity of the issue and higher-level critical thinking skills.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite