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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Machines are taking over more and more jobs previously done by humans. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages.

Today,
due to
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 improvements in technology,
machines
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 play a vital role in
people
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's lives.
Therefore
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 it leads to a debate, which worries
people
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, about whether
machines
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 are replacing human labour.
While
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 they can perform with less effort and save time, they have downsides
such
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 as causing
people
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 not to have a job.
This
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 essay will examine both the advantages and disadvantages. On the one hand,
machines
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 have various benefits.One of the main reasons is that there are some unsuitable jobs which
people
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 do not do physically,so
machines
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 can do effortlessly and quickly.
For instance
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, in bread-making factories,
machines
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 can mix many
heavy-ingredients
Correct your spelling
heavy ingredients
show examples
instead
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 of humans.
Additionally
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, there are many electronic devices controlled remotely helping
people
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 to do household chores.
For example
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,
while
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people
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 are not at home, they turn on their AI robots to mop home's every side.
On the other hand
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,
although
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 they make
people
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's lives easy,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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takes
Correct subject-verb agreement
take
show examples
 some jobs done by humans.
For instance
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,after chat gbt was discovered,
people
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 did not need any translators or to go to a course to learn a new language.They might take recommendations
as well as
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 make a schedule to learn comfortably on chat gbt.
Moreover
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, owing to quick labour, in some companies ,
machines
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 are more needed
instead
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 of humans.
For instance
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, in developed countries
such
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 as Japan,in restaurants,
people
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 are served by robots. In conclusion,today,
machines
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 have an important role and help
people
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 facilitate their daily tasks to save time.
Besides
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,they are very risky because they lead to taking
people
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's jobs.
Therefore
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,the young generations endeavour to choose a job which will not be replaced by robots in the future.

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task achievement
Ensure that your examples are directly related to your arguments to make your points clearer.
coherence
Try to improve the flow between sentences by using more linking words and phrases.
coherence
Make sure to maintain a consistent structure throughout your essay to enhance clarity.
positive
Your introduction clearly states the main topic and outlines the debate.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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