IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Overpopulation is the world's most serious environmental problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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In recent times, overpopulation has become a growing concern globally. Critics argue that it is the single most detrimental factor affecting the environment today. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, as the rapid rise in population has triggered major issues
such
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 as economic imbalance and environmental degradation, particularly global warming.
Firstly
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, the population explosion has placed an enormous burden on governments trying to provide basic necessities for their citizens. There is a significant shortage of medical care, housing, and social support systems for the underprivileged.
This
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 has widened the gap between the rich and the poor, leading to a stark socio-economic divide.
For instance
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, in India, poverty levels have reportedly risen by around 25% in the past six months
due to
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 the insufficient supply of essential resources.
As a result
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, there has been a surge in community-spread diseases like pneumonia, placing immense pressure on an already strained healthcare system.
Secondly
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, overpopulation has significantly contributed to increased
pollution
Use synonyms
 and the collapse of urban infrastructure, especially in metropolitan cities. Traffic congestion has worsened, resulting in heightened air
pollution
Use synonyms
 and a rise in airborne illnesses. Recent data suggests that
pollution
Use synonyms
 has
also
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 contributed to climate change, particularly in polar regions, where melting glaciers have led to rising sea levels.
This
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 poses serious risks to tropical islands and tsunami-prone coastal areas.
Additionally
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, overburdened sewage systems have turned urban areas into breeding grounds for mosquitoes and harmful parasites, leading to the spread of diseases
such
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 as malaria and dengue.
For example
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, in Nigeria, there has been a noticeable increase in malaria-related deaths
due to
Linking Words
 the proliferation of disease-carrying insects. In conclusion, overpopulation has had a severe impact on both the environment and society. It has led to a rise in disease outbreaks, the collapse of healthcare systems, and a significant increase in
pollution
Use synonyms
 and climate-related disasters. Governments must implement immediate and effective measures to control population growth and mitigate its adverse effects.

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task achievement
Your argument is clearly presented with a strong position. You could enhance it further by addressing counterarguments to show a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear logical structure, with a relevant introduction, main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To improve coherence, consider using a wider range of linking phrases to guide the reader.
task achievement
The examples you provided were effective in supporting your points. To strengthen your arguments even more, you could provide specific data or studies to back up your claims, making your argument more persuasive.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your main arguments.
coherence and cohesion
You have a good range of vocabulary and demonstrate a strong sense of style throughout your essay, which makes it engaging to read.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • exacerbating
  • finite resources
  • environmental degradation
  • biodiversity
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • sustainable consumption
  • habitat loss
  • family planning
  • renewable energy
  • technological advancements
  • resource management
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