IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that professionals such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss bith views and guve yiur own opinion

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Nowadays a lot of
professionals
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, especially young people tend to travel to different
countries
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 to obtain better opportunities. Many argue that these employees should serve the
country
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 they trained at,
however
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, others believe that they should be given the freedom to work wherever.
Although
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 working for the
country
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 that served you training can account for benefits to the
country
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 itself, we can not forget the opportunities that can be provided by other
countries
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. In
this
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 essay, we shall discuss both views and I will give my opinion. Undoubtedly, a lot of people are grateful for the education and training provided by the
countries
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 they attended, especially if it was their own
country
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. Yet, some
countries
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 lack the facilities needed for some jobs.
For instance
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, doctors usually tend to seek scholarships overseas because of how unfortunate the state of most of the hospitals available in their homeland.
As a result
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, some doctors tend to look for
countries
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 with better hospital facilities in order to practice their job properly allowing them to gain experience and expand their knowledge about their profession.
This
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also
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 accounts for a better source of income for
professionals
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, providing a better quality of life.  More or less,
this
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 can account for some drawbacks. If all
professionals
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 were to travel and leave the
country
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, wouldn't that affect the
country
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? For say, Sudan provides an astonishing level of education with high-standard facilities and equipment, yet, more than 45% of its trainees tend to take jobs from all over the world
instead
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 of working in Sudan
due to
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 the low salary rates.
This
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 caused a number of deficiencies in various specialities, specifically in pharmacies where almost half of the students choose to not work in pharmacies as it is one of the lowest salary rates in the
country
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. In a nutshell, working in the
country
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 that provided the training may seem more beneficial for the
country
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 rather than personal benefits.
Therefore
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, more people lean towards a higher income and a better quality of life. I believe that having the chance of achieving a well-facilitated job and gaining information will help these
professionals
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 to succeed better

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task achievement
Ensure both sides of the argument are fully explored to provide a balanced discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of ideas by using more advanced linking words and phrases between paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Include a brief summary of each paragraph after presenting its main idea to solidify understanding and coherence.
task achievement
The examples provided, particularly regarding doctors seeking opportunities abroad, were relevant and effectively illustrated the argument.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction set a clear framework for the essay, indicating what would be discussed.
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