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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods.(Anelya1)

The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods.(Anelya1)
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The presented table demonstrates the statistics of Ashdown
Museum
Use synonyms
 guests in the
year
Use synonyms
 surrounding
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
refurbished
Replace the word
refurbishment
show examples
while
Linking Words
 the
two
Use synonyms
 pie
charts
Use synonyms
 represent the total result of visitors'
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 satisfied they were
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
museum
Use synonyms
 renovation during the given
two
Use synonyms
 time periods.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the average number of
Use synonyms
museum goers
Add a hyphen
museum-goers
show examples
 went up significantly in the
year
Use synonyms
 after
gallery
Correct article usage
the gallery
show examples
 update. The data in the pie
charts
Use synonyms
 reveals that
museum
Use synonyms
 attendees were more dissatisfied in the
year
Use synonyms
 before modernisation, but
then
Linking Words
 after
collection
Correct article usage
the collection
show examples
revamped
Add a missing verb
was revamped
show examples
 the largest proportion of gallery visitors were satisfied
about
Change the preposition
with
show examples
Use synonyms
museum
Add an article
the museum
show examples
. The table presents the figure of patrons of the Ashdown
Museum
Use synonyms
, which increased substantially from 74,000 to 92,000 numbers
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and reached the highest number of guests in the
year
Use synonyms
 when the
museum
Use synonyms
 was remodeled. According
th
Correct your spelling
to
 the
two
Use synonyms
 pie
charts
Use synonyms
, it is evident that the proportion of dissatisfied patrons, which consisted
a
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 half of the
charts
Use synonyms
 before
update
Add an article
the update
show examples
, dropped noticeably from 40% to 15% after
redone
Wrong verb form
redoing
show examples
. Meanwhile, the rate of satisfied guests, which was the
less
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 number in the
year
Use synonyms
 before renovation, showed a dramatic
rose
Replace the word
rise
show examples
 in percentage from 30% to 40% after the
museum
Use synonyms
restored
Add a missing verb
was restored
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the percentage of visitors, who didn't give an answer, remained constant over the
two
Use synonyms
 time intervals.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words museum, year, two, charts with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "presented" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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