IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Nowadays, in a few countries, individuals are inclined to pay professional coaches rather than engage in any sports or activities. As the purchasing power of a person grows,
one
Use synonyms
 likes the access to the service, which gives him/her personal attention.
As a result
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,
one
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 can achieve their desirable goal rapidly. I believe
this
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 to be a positive development.
To begin
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, the general public tends to spend more when they have higher disposable income.
Moreover
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,
this
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 spending power enables them to access high-standard facilities.
Although
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one
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 is satisfied with the current services, he/she
inclined
Add a missing verb
is inclined
show examples
 to always look for something to buy owing to the spare money that they have in their position.
For instance
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, despite the fact millionaires in Dubai have enough cars in their collection, they will always be looking for the latest additions to add to their collection.
Additionally
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, the experience and the discipline served by the professional coach are satisfactory. As
one
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 finds it hard to see his goal is achievable, the trainer can make it simpler and visually clear. With the years of experience that the coach possesses, it is faster to reach desirable outcomes. For example, in the movie Whiplash, the coach pushes his student until he becomes frustrated and starts crying.
As a result
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, the student makes unimaginable progress.
To conclude
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, more disposable income influenced
one
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 to get their hand on premium services like private coaching. I strongly agree with the fact that private trainers are a more effective route to get to the dream destination.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to provide a clear separation between the two halves of your essay: the reasons for the trend and whether it's positive or negative. Include distinct paragraphs for each part.
task achievement
Expand on some ideas for more depth in your arguments. For example, elaborate on the benefits of personal training and how it might relate to overall well-being.
task achievement
Ensure that your examples are relevant and connected to your arguments. While the example from Dubai is interesting, it could be tied more clearly to the topic of fitness and personal training.
task achievement
You provide a clear viewpoint on the topic, stating that you believe this trend is positive, which is essential for a strong personal opinion in your essay.
task achievement
Your essay includes relevant examples and references, such as mentioning a movie to illustrate your point, which helps to engage the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • personalized workout plans
  • tailored
  • efficient
  • awareness
  • physical health
  • motivation
  • guidance
  • convenience
  • flexibility
  • exclusivity
  • status symbol
  • inaccessible
  • community engagement
  • social interaction
  • health outcomes
  • personal achievement
  • health-conscious
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