Recent technological developments have greatly changed our ways of life in a positive way. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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In recent years, a significant debate has emerged regarding whether technological developments have positively transformed our way of life. Proponents argue that
such
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advancements have revolutionized communication,
transportation
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, and
education
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, thereby enhancing
overall
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quality of life.
While
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I acknowledge these
benefits
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, I partly agree with
this
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viewpoint, as I firmly believe that technological progress has
also
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contributed to serious challenges, including sedentary
lifestyles
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and technology-related addiction. One of the most significant
benefits
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of technological advancements is communication. In the modern era, individuals can use smartphones to keep in touch with their loved ones without any barriers. A notable example of
this
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is platforms like Instagram and Facebook which allow
people
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to make not only instant video calls but
also
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texting, helping
people
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strengthen their bonds.
Additionally
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, technological advancement in
transportation
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facilitates journeys. Long distances once passed by horses can be shortened with airplanes,allowing individuals to save a large proportion of time.
Moreover
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,
such
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transportation
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not only improved the safety but
also
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cut the costs.
Finally
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, technological advancement made
education
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faster,allowing numerous students to acquire knowledge online.The easier access to
education
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such
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as,online universities,schools and courses made a notable increase in educated
people
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,which provides a large number of specialists in our world. Despite these
benefits
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, there are detrimental effects of technology,
Firstly
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,
this
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causes sedentary
lifestyles
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.
This
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issue arises as the majority of individuals spend their free time on smartphones, causing a lack of physical activities
further
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leading to obesity.To illustrate, a recent study conducted in the USA reveals that 60% of teenagers suffer from obesity
due to
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sedentary
lifestyles
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.
Furthermore
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, the development of technologies makes
people
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especially teenagers engaged in online games which results in addiction. In conclusion,
while
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technological advancements have undeniably improved aspects of our lives
such
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as communication,
transportation
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, and
education
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, their negative impacts cannot be overlooked. The increasing prevalence of sedentary
lifestyles
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and technology-related addictions, particularly among teenagers, highlights significant challenges that need addressing.
Therefore
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, it is essential for society to find a balanced approach, maximizing the
benefits
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of technology
while
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implementing effective measures to mitigate its detrimental effects.

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task achievement
While your introduction presents your stance well, consider rephrasing your thesis statement to enhance clarity. You could specify the challenges you will discuss more explicitly.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that you provide a smoother transition between ideas in your paragraphs. Linking phrases can help guide the reader through your arguments more fluidly.
task achievement
Try to delve deeper into your main points. For example, when discussing education, you could include specific statistics or studies related to the rise in online education. This would strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your argument is well structured, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, effectively presenting both sides of the discussion.
task achievement
You employed relevant examples to support your main points, such as communication advancements and trends in education, which demonstrate your understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • advancements
  • connectivity
  • interconnected
  • revolutionized
  • diagnostics
  • telemedicine
  • e-commerce
  • digital payment systems
  • convenience
  • accessibility
  • enhanced
  • online learning platforms
  • flexible learning
  • automation
  • safety
  • energy efficiency
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