People sleep less than they used to in the past what do you think is the reason behind this what are the effect on individuals

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People
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People's
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sleep hours have decreased nowadays compared to many years ago.
This
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is because they are working more than they used to in the past and
this
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will cause them more stress and fatigue.
To begin
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with, the main reason behind people not getting adequate
sleeping
Replace the word
sleep
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like they used to in the past is because of their
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
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system . Careers these days are harder and more competitive than in the previous years .
This
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results in individuals badly , as they will be afraid to be replaced or kicked out.
This
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fear of losing their jobs pushes them to spend more time at work and not
returning
Wrong verb form
return
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home until late into
night
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the night
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.
Therefore
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,
this
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action will result in their sleeping quality and quantity.
Furthermore
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, with the fact that life is more
fast paced
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fast-paced
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these days, they will be fully occupied with their own issues seeking
for
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apply
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perfection.
Secondly
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,
this
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action
contribute
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contributes
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to several health problems and mental illness.
Firstly
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, sleeping below
averaged
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average
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hours will cause instant stress, with the result that the body hasn’t been relaxed yet. Not only
this
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will lower the
focusing
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focus
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quality but
also
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it will lead to fatigue.
Also
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,
At the end
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of the
day
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day,
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the body will be overstimulated
due to
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lack of sleep and working a lot.
This
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phenomenon has made everyone a work
alchaholic
Correct your spelling
alcoholic
as they are trying to distract their tiredness with having more work accomplished.
To conclude
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, people are more sleep deprived because of the long working hours and stress.
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will harm them physically and mentally as well . They should take
a
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apply
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good care of themselves and consider sleeping well as an important thing

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea effectively.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or data to support your arguments and make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid vague phrases like 'this action' and specify what you are referring to for clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using more transitional phrases to connect ideas and improve the flow of your writing.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and provides reasons and effects related to sleep deprivation.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear structure with a distinct introduction and conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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