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Writing Samples
Band 7

Violence in the media promotes violence in society. To what extent do you agree?

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Violent
activities
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 in society are promoted by the
violence
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 in
media
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. I strongly agree with the statement because young individuals are easily influenced by the content they are exposed to and repeated exposure leads to desensitization of emotions. Young individuals are influenced very easily because their minds are still developing and they often acquire habits by observing. When the
media
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 glorifies violent
behaviour
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 without serious consequences, the young
population
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 may believe
such
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behaviour
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 is acceptable.
As a result
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, children can have an increase in aggression and violent habits.
For example
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, The Columbia High School shooting in 1999 was
due to
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 two teenagers getting influenced by
media
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 and video games. If children are properly guided and monitored by parents, it helps them to acquire good manners and empathetic
behaviour
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.
In addition
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, repeated exposure to violent content results in people becoming less sensitive to
violence
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.
This
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 leads to a decrease in the sense of empathy and sympathy among the
population
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. Over time,
this
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 can make them more accepting of the
violence
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 in real-life situations.
For example
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, Bihar is a state in India which is prone to gang
violence
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 and
that is
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 regularly telecasted in
media
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 leading to the
population
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 getting desensitized to their emotions. Government should try putting a ban on movies and video games, which encourages violent
activities
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 and
behaviour
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. In conclusion, violent
activities
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 in
media
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 and video games promote
violence
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 because young individuals are easily influenced by what they see and frequent exposure to
such
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activities
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 results in desensitization of emotions
such
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 as empathy and sympathy among the
population
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 leading to an increase in violent
behaviour
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.

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task achievement
Consider providing a counter-argument or acknowledging opposing views to strengthen your position and enhance your response to the task.
coherence and cohesion
While your paragraphs generally follow a logical structure, ensure that each point transitions smoothly to the next to maintain coherence. Consider using more linking phrases or words to guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
Try to expand on your examples with a little more detail to provide clearer, more comprehensive evidence supporting your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively summarize your stance.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your arguments, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Desensitization
  • Aggressive behavior
  • Imitation
  • Media regulation
  • Cultural context
  • Exposure
  • Social influence
  • Violent imagery
  • Psychological impact
  • Norms and values
  • Media consumption
  • Sensationalism
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