IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe countries have a moral obligation to help each other, while others worry that the aid money cannot get to the poor of this world. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In the process of globalization, an increasing number of social issues and international worries appear. In
this
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 essay, I will look into relevant problems and give my own opinions. Some people argue that all nations are compulsory to help those developing nations.
For instance
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,
countries
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 around the world are supposed to cooperate to settle
down
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apply
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some global issues like poverty, safety, and environmental pollution. So
it’s
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 of necessity that able
countries
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 should reach a hand to their brothers. The bright future of human beings cannot be achieved only in well-developed states; that’s the reason why
countries
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 have
their
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a
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 moral obligation to help each other.
It’s
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 a promising way to form a joint force of all nations and reach a global agreement on dealing with international issues like wars and catastrophes. There
also
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 exists another group of people considering that the
aid
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money
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 given from developed
countries
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 will not flow to those who really need it.
This
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 may cause widespread concern about the
money
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 flow.
However
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, from my perspective, there is no need to worry about the
aid
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money
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, and
aid
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 is not the only way to help
countries
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 really in need. The Red Cross associations and regional governments will supervise any incorrect outcome of
aid
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money
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. Meanwhile,
it’s
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also
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 a useful way to help with local construction and improve the revenue structure,
instead
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 of only allocating
aid
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money
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. Generally,
it’s
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 for sure that
countries
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 should help each other as they can. Though
it’s
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 positive and worthwhile to distribute some
money
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 for help, tackling emergency situations is
also
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 suitable.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider refining your introduction to clearly outline the main points you will discuss in your essay, which will help guide the reader more effectively.
task achievement
Make sure to provide more specific examples or data to support your arguments, as this would strengthen your points and provide relevance to your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs flow logically from one to the next; sometimes transitions can help to clarify your points and improve coherence overall.
task achievement
You present a balanced view of the topic by discussing both perspectives before giving your opinion, which is commendable.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good attempt at addressing global issues, which shows awareness and understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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