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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows data about the annual earnings of three bakeries in Calgary, 2000-2010

The graph shows data about the annual earnings of three bakeries in Calgary, 2000-2010
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The line chart provides
an information
Remove the article
information
a piece of information
show examples
 on
Use synonyms
income
Add an article
the income
show examples
 of three various bakeries namely Amandine Bakery, Mary Bakeshop and Bolo Cakery in Galgary in a 10 years
period
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, in
preliminary
Correct article usage
the preliminary
show examples
period
Use synonyms
 Bolo Cakery and Amandine Bakery
experinced
Correct your spelling
experienced
experience
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 with the
exeption
Correct your spelling
exception
 of Mary Bakeshop critically
decreased
Wrong verb form
decreasing
show examples
.
Initialy
Correct your spelling
Initially
, in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
period
Use synonyms
 from 2000 to 2004 Mari Bakeshop
demostrate
Correct your spelling
demonstrated
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 high indication of
income
Use synonyms
 which fluctuate between 80000 to 95000
aproximately
Correct your spelling
approximately
. Starting from 2004 the
income
Use synonyms
 for
mentioned
Correct article usage
the mentioned
show examples
 company sharply decreased and in 2010 shows the lowest result. The Bolo Cakeries started from 20000 Dollars per year
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
 of
Use synonyms
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
kept
Correct word choice
and kept
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 the second position in the end with more than 60000
dollar
Change to a plural noun
dollars
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 per year.
Yearly
Correct article usage
The yearly
show examples
income
Use synonyms
 of Amandine Bakery started from 60000 stay
stabile
Correct your spelling
stable
show examples
 until 2005. The
last
Linking Words
 5 years
period
Use synonyms
 was very
successfull
Correct your spelling
successful
 for
this
Linking Words
 company which stayed on top position between all, with the highest result more than 100 000 dollar per year.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words income, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stay" was used 2 times.
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