In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Some countries are experiencing a situation in which their citizens are gaining weight and their public wellness is declining.
This
essay will discuss the reasons behind this
phenomenon and secondly
suggest some measures to improve public health
.
The two major causes of weight gain and decreasing health
standards, in my opinion, are high-caloric dietary habits and physical inactivity. Regarding the former, modern food habits often include processed ingredients that contain an unhealthy amount of saturated fats and carbohydrates. A frequent intake of these substances can increase the risk of morbid obesity, thereby leading to other knock-on effects, notably cardiovascular diseases. Another reason is that the prevalence of labor-saving
inventions has promoted physically inactive lifestyles. In the US, Change the spelling
labour-saving
for example
, a substantial proportion of the overweight and obese population would rather rely on electric scooters than just simply walk despite the insignificant travel distances.
To tackle the situation, concerted efforts from both individuals and governments are necessary. Firstly
, each of us must refrain from succumbing to the modern non-organic junk foods often marketed as last
-minute meals. Instead
, fresh home-grown vegetables and fruits should be widely encouraged, perhaps by health
documentaries on mainstream TV channels. Concerning sports-related activities, local communities should promote and support physical activity programs, backed by government funding. Vietnam, for instance
, has successfully implemented free-of-charge outdoor fitness equipment and provided public dance lessons in most local parks across the country.
In conclusion, the general level of health
and physical fitness have been suffering a perpetual decline caused by the two most prominent causes, sedentary lifestyles and excessive consumption of processed foods. Nevertheless
, government-supported programs and individual efforts would prevent these problems from deteriorating further
.Submitted by n.thach.tu.a2 on
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coherence cohesion
Try to enhance the use of linking words or phrases to ensure smoother transitions between ideas. This will further strengthen the logical flow.
task achievement
Some points, such as the role of technology in physical inactivity, could be elaborated with additional examples or further explanations for even greater clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay effectively introduces the topic and provides a clear thesis statement, outlining what will be discussed. This sets a clear direction for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph flows naturally into the next, showing a good understanding of paragraph structure and logical progression.
task achievement
You used specific and relevant examples, such as the case of the US and Vietnam, enhancing the credibility and depth of the essay.
task achievement
You're addressing both causes and solutions comprehensively, providing a balanced response and fulfilling the task requirements thoroughly.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.