IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Modern use of communication have reduced the amount of time for people to interact. This has negative impacts on social lives of people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The blessing of
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 communication channels decreased the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of real-
life
Use synonyms
 interactions which some believe to be a negative development upon
social
Correct article usage
the social
show examples
 lives of
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
. I agree because people get accustomed to
put
Wrong verb form
putting in
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 less effort,
keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
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 the connections and
seek
Wrong verb form
seeking
show examples
of
Change preposition
out
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 their comfort
zone
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, as we are growing dependent
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
 route of interactions which provides and contents way for communication, humans are becoming used to putting less effort
to hold
Change preposition
into holding
show examples
 a relationship. They will not be aware of the efforts that are required to flourish a connection.
As a result
Linking Words
, one is investing
same
Change the article
the same
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 amount of
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
 in real
life
Use synonyms
 and
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 virtual
life
Use synonyms
. That way of comprehension does not serve them as
real world
Add a hyphen
real-world
show examples
 connection needs more time and energy.
For instance
Linking Words
,
now a days
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
, teenagers who
plays
Change the verb form
play
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 online
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
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finds
Change the verb form
find
show examples
 it effortless to make
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 online
while
Linking Words
Add an article
the struggle
show examples
struggle
Wrong verb form
struggling
show examples
 to make
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real-
life
Use synonyms
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
. Because their
fundamental
Fix the agreement mistake
fundamentals
show examples
 of social
life
Use synonyms
 now
build
Wrong verb form
built
show examples
 upon the online world.
Additionally
Linking Words
, as you all have heard how comfort
zone
Use synonyms
 kills you, even though it is safe and
feel
Correct subject-verb agreement
feels
show examples
 amazing to be in. It works
exact
Change the word
exactly
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 with
real
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 interactions.
This
Linking Words
 new virtual
life
Use synonyms
 makes it easy to fall
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
trap
Add an article
the trap
show examples
 of being in
comfort
Add an article
the comfort
a comfort
show examples
zone
Use synonyms
.
Because plenty
Correct word choice
Plenty
show examples
 of new
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
 grow up making connections online, which results in not being comfortable
while
Linking Words
 engaging in
real
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 conversation.
For example
Linking Words
, my friend named Jack, who is famous on Snapchat and
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 numerous amount of followers,
while
Linking Words
 he struggles to talk to people outside Snapchat. Since he does like to be outside his trust.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I agree that spending more time
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 virtual interaction has shifted the fundamental belief of
of
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
real interaction in individuals
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
while
Linking Words
 keeping them in
safe
Add an article
the safe
a safe
show examples
zone
Use synonyms
.

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Task Achievement
Strengthen your introduction by clearly stating your thesis and summarizing the key points you will discuss.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use more linking phrases to improve the flow of the essay and make connections between your points more explicit.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your examples are directly related to your argument; for instance, clarify how your friend's situation illustrates your point about comfort zones.
Coherence and Cohesion
You presented a clear opinion on the topic and structured your essay into distinct paragraphs, which aids understanding.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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