IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

There is too much noise in many public places in cities. What are the causes of this problem? What can be done to solve the problem?

#noise #places #cities
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Most of the public
places
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 in
cities
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 are becoming too noisy. In my opinion,
cars
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 and
parks
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 are two key factors contributing to making more
noise
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. To address
this
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 issue, it is crucial to relocate
such
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 public areas to the suburbs of the city. The number of
cars
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 is increasing day by day in modern
cities
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.
While
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 you are wandering the streets, you can see various models of
cars
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 on a daily basis.
While
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 individuals are driving their
cars
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 on the streets, if there is a danger of threat, they will have to sound the alarm of their
cars
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.
Besides
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 these, the sound which comes from the engine of
cars
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 may make
noise
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also
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.
Additionally
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, going to the
parks
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 at weekends is a commonplace occasion among people. People always go sightseeing in the
parks
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 and
this
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 may make too much
noise
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, thanks to
parks
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 being located in more crowded
places
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 in
cities
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. To tackle
this
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 problem, the government should take some steps.
Firstly
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, the movement of
cars
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 should be banned in some situations.
For instance
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; When people are going to their workplaces, in place of using their own
cars
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, they should be encouraged to utilize public transport which does cause not too much
noise
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.
Moreover
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, recreation
places
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 should be relocated to the remote areas of
cities
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. If all sightseeing
places
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 are situated in the inner of the city, it may increase the risk of too much
noise
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. In conclusion, there are so many
cars
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 and recreational
places
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 in
cities
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 which are the main factors
of
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for
show examples
 too much
noise
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. To make it lower, some restrictions should be launched for
cars
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 and
parks
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 should be moved to the outer
places
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 of the city.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples and explanations to strengthen your points, especially regarding the impact of parks and how relocating them would help.
coherence cohesion
Work on ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central idea and supports the overall argument. This will improve coherence.
introduction conclusion
Clear introduction and conclusion that outline the issue and potential solutions succinctly.
logical structure
The essay presents a logical structure with two main causes and solutions effectively addressed in separate paragraphs.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • noise pollution
  • urbanization
  • population density
  • traffic congestion
  • infrastructure development
  • public announcement systems
  • street performances
  • noise regulations
  • soundproof materials
  • public transportation
  • designated quiet zones
  • green spaces
  • buffer zones
  • public awareness
  • community efforts
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