some people think that nowadays children have too much freedom. To what extent do you agree of disagree.

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In contemporary society, there is a considerable debate over whether
children
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have excessive
freedom
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. In my opinion,
while
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possessing
freedom
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for
children
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does have merits in future development, the parents and educational institutions should be held responsible for setting boundaries to prevent
further
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harm to
children
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. Proponents for giving
children
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greater
exemption
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exemptions
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have some compelling reasons.
Firstly
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, more
freedom
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encourages
children
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to nurture independent thinking.
For example
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, allowing
children
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to grow up in complicated situations by making their own decisions and dealing with problems they face at a young age, stimulates a sense of independence.
Secondly
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, an open environment is constructive to foster creativity and self-expression in childhood. With increased
freedom
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,
children
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learn self-management, especially time and emotion management.
This
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cultivates a solid foundation for their future academic and professional path as effective self-behaviour and emotional management make it easier for them to overcome various challenges.
However
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, opponents contend that unrestricted
freedom
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might lead some
children
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to become more selfish since they may prioritize self-satisfaction before others' feelings.
This
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selfish behaviour can result in the destruction of social interactions and collaborations.
Additionally
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, Some
children
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,
due to
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excessive autonomy, may lack basic values and moral guidelines. The absence of social norms even contributes to juvenile delinquency.
Therefore
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, families and educational institutions should collaborate to provide guidance and instil values in
children
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. In conclusion, the discussion of whether
children
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have too much
freedom
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is multifaceted.
While
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excessive autonomy may pose challenges and security risks, appropriate boundaries of flexibility are crucial for
children
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's growth, independence, and well-being.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your arguments, especially in the second body paragraph. This can enhance the relevance of your ideas and strengthen your overall argument.
coherence and cohesion
Consider varying your vocabulary to avoid repetition, such as using synonyms for 'freedom' and 'independence.' A greater range of vocabulary can enhance the sophistication of your writing.
task achievement
Ensure to maintain balance between your arguments by elaborating slightly more on the opposite viewpoint. This will demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay presents a clear opinion and structure, which is crucial for effective argumentation.
task achievement
You have successfully identified both the advantages and disadvantages of freedom for children, showing good critical thinking.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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