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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many children today spend a lot of time on social media which hurts their grades. what is the cause of this? What can be done to solve this?

Nowadays, a lot of
children
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 spend the majority of their
time
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 on social networks which can badly affect their grades. The essay will discuss
firstly
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, the cause of that, as being addictive,
then
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, required solutions for it,
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
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 managing
time
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 with the help of setting limits , and eventually, it will be finished by involving my own opinion.
To begin
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 with, one major reason for
this
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 is being dependent on the social networks .
That is
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 to say, social
media
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 platforms like Instagram and TikTok are designed to grab attention, which makes
children
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 want to keep scrolling for hours.
Hence
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, it takes away
time
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 from studying and doing homework.
For example
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, a child might plan to spend just 10 minutes checking Instagram but end up spending an hour scrolling through posts and videos.
As a result
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, they may not have enough
time
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 left to finish their homework.
Moreover
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, to solve
this
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 issue, kids can set limits on how
many
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much
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time
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 they spend on social
media
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 each day. By making moments for both study and relaxation,
children
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 can stay productive and focused.
For instance
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, a child could set a rule to spend no more than 30 minutes on social
media
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 after completing homework and studying for the day.
This
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 way, they ensure that their academic responsibilities are prioritized,
while
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also
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 allowing themselves a short break to relax. In conclusion,
although
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 social
media
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 can negatively impact
children
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’s grades by distracting them, setting
time
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 limits
usage
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on usage
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 can help
children
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 stay focused on their academic responsibilities. By balancing study
time
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 with relaxation, juveniles can improve their grades and maintain a healthy relationship with social
media
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.

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Task Achievement
Try to enhance the development of your supported main points by providing more detail or examples. This can help strengthen your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider improving the flow between ideas. Transition words can help establish clearer connections between your thoughts.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively outline the structure of your essay.
Task Achievement
Good use of relevant examples to illustrate the main points, particularly the example about spending time on Instagram.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Addictive design
  • Infinite scrolling
  • Personalized content feeds
  • Peer pressure
  • Social validation
  • Fear of missing out (FOMO)
  • Parental supervision
  • Digital literacy programs
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Awareness campaigns
  • Conscious regulation
  • Academic impact
  • Engagement
  • Social media usage
  • Online presence
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