IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think financial aid from international organizations is important for developing countries. Others believe that practical aid and advice is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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People have mixed different opinions on the effects of different kinds of
aid
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. On the one hand, it is thought by some people that financial care given by international organizations is essential for developing
states
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,
while
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 others consider that pragmatic
aid
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 and suggestion are way more significant. In my opinion, I agree that financial
service
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services
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 more significant for developing
countries
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.
Firstly
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, The infrastructure of developing societies is in need of capital to a great extent. Capital holds an outstanding place in most of the
countries
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 that are eager to develop since they couldn't seek a prospective process
due to
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 the lack of money. It may be easily ignored that various facilities that we share today cannot work without finance,
for example
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, the domestic water we need and the light run by electricity both require a large amount of it.
However
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, some regions that are not developed even cannot pay for the stable provision of water and electricity. Meanwhile, financial support could
also
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 help improve the international status of developing
countries
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. It may be common to see that developing regions,
such
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 as some
states
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 in Africa do not have as much power of dialogue as the well-developed
states
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, which means that they may fail to gain the resources they need to take process.
Therefore
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, with much more
aid
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 in terms of finance, these developing
countries
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 would utilize their rights to better converge into globalization. In terms of practical assistance,
although
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 it is indispensable as well, it still should be placed behind financial
aid
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.
For example
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, practical care is beneficial to the education level of developing
countries
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such
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 as offering progressive education systems or teams.
However
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, the financial factor plays a more fundamental role in the development of those
states
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 in need, which is to say education programs are still paid for by the governments themselves. In conclusion, to me, support of finance is more beneficial to developing regions than actual subsidy since it would work by facilitating the infrastructure of a country and gaining a higher international status. It may be predicted that developing
states
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 would make
further
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 progress if gaining more financial support.

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Task Achievement
While your essay presents a coherent argument supporting your opinion, including more diverse and concrete examples can greatly enhance the relevance and specificity of your argument. Consider citing specific instances where financial aid has directly resulted in developmental improvements within a country.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that is fully developed and supported. This can be achieved by connecting your arguments more clearly to your overarching thesis statement, thus enhancing the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve your score further, try to make more deliberate use of cohesive devices and transition phrases. This not only makes your essay easier to follow but also highlights the logical flow of ideas between paragraphs and within the entire essay.
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