IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar graph below represents data about the clubs joined by people of two different age groups at a leisure centre in a small city.

The bar graph below represents data about the clubs joined by people of two different age groups at a leisure centre in a small city.
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The bar chart provides key information about the
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
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 of
members
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
in
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 two age groups (25-35) and (55-65) who joined
in
Change preposition
apply
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six clubs at a leisure centre in a small city.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that the photography club had the same
number
Use synonyms
 of people in both groups which is almost 43 male and female ,
Whereas
Linking Words
 there was a huge difference in elderly and adolescent people in the cycling class.
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown, the elderly
members
Use synonyms
 aged from 55-65 have the highest
number
Use synonyms
 in the gardening class,
while
Linking Words
 the people
with
Change preposition
apply
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aged from 25-35 years old have the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 in the same class .
In addition
Linking Words
, fitness and dancing clubs contain approximately the same figure of participants in both age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the cycling club contain the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
members
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
aged
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
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 (25-35) ,which is opposite to
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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.
To sum up
Linking Words
, we could say that all clubs contain more than 20
members
Use synonyms
 except the cycling club had 10
person
Change to a plural noun
people
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 only with aged
apply
Verb problem
apply
show examples
55-56 years old.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words members, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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