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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that children should learn practical skills in school. others believe academic knowledge is more important to discuss both views and give you your opinion.

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Introduction
It is often argued that school children should learn practical expertise in educational institutes,
while
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 others believe that they should focus on theoretical understanding.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before explaining why I believe that academic
qualification
Check wording
qualifications
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 are more essential for
students
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, some people believe that practical abilities are beneficial for young children.
This
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 is mainly because these skills are very beneficial in their practical life. A good illustration of
this
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 is that some schools teach their
students
Use synonyms
 vocational skills
such
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 as plumbing,
carpanting
Correct your spelling
carpentry
, and
electriction
Replace the word
electrical
 work.
This
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 can help them to start their career  and become
financial
Rephrase
financially
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 independent.
In addition
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,
students
Use synonyms
 should participate in
extra curicular
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
 activities like sports,
contest
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contests
show examples
, these events support them to become  more confident and
also
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 improve their communication skills.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, others argue that learners should study academic subjects in educational centres.
This
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 is because better academic performance is important for
specialized
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specialised
show examples
 professions.
For instance
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, if
students
Use synonyms
 want to become
doctor
Add an article
a doctor
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,
lawyer
Add an article
a lawyer
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,
engineer
Add an article
an engineer
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 or
physiotherapist
Add an article
a physiotherapist
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, they should learn specific subjects related to their field.
Physiotherapist
Add an article
A physiotherapist
show examples
 should have
the
Correct article usage
a
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 basic understanding of human anatomy and rehabilitation protocols to become successful in
this
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 field.
Moreover
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, there is
a
Correct article usage
apply
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tough competition in the job market. So it
is
Wrong verb form
has
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 now become crucial for
students
Use synonyms
 to get excellent grades in exams.
This
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 can help them to secure
good
Add an article
a good
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 position in their
desire
Replace the word
desired
 career.
Conclusion
To encapsulate,
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Although
Fix capitalization
although
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 some people believe that the young generation should focus on practical expertise, others argue that they should learn academic knowledge.
However
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, I believe that
specialized
Change the spelling
specialised
show examples
 knowledge of
particular
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a particular
show examples
 field is more significant for their future life.
This
Linking Words
 is because it enables them to become professionals in specific fields.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give a clear view. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully why school time should give more space to book learning than to work skills. You could also say that both can be taught, but one should have more time.
task response
Your examples fit the topic, such as plumbing and the study needed for a doctor. Add one more clear example for each side, and explain the result of each example in more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: first view, second view, then your own view. Keep this good plan. Make each main idea start with one clear topic sentence, then give an example and explain it.
coherence and cohesion
Use joining words with care. Words such as 'For example', 'Also', 'However', and 'As a result' can make the links between ideas clearer. Do not join two full ideas with only a comma.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas repeat the same point, such as practical skills being useful in daily life. Use that space to show a new reason or a deeper explanation instead.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you show both views and clearly state your own view.
task response
The examples of jobs such as doctor, lawyer, and engineer are on topic and help show why academic study can matter.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear beginning, two body parts, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear signposts such as 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' to show the change between the two views.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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