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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie graphs show the nutritional consistency of two dinners. Write a report to a university lecturer describing the data.

The pie graphs show the nutritional consistency of two dinners. Write a report to a university lecturer describing the data.
The pie graphs illustrate the nutritional consistency of
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 meals.
Overall
Linking Words
, both
medium
Use synonyms
 baked
potato
Use synonyms
 and
macaroni
Use synonyms
 have carbohydrates as the main
nutrients
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
medium
Use synonyms
 baked
potato
Use synonyms
 contains more than two times the protein proportions, when compared to
macaroni
Use synonyms
. On the one hand,
medium
Use synonyms
 baked
potato
Use synonyms
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has carbohydrates
as
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the largest
proportions
Fix the agreement mistake
proportion
show examples
 of 35%, followed by protein
of
Change preposition
at
show examples
 25%. At the same time, glucose shares the same ratios as other
nutrients
Use synonyms
 of 15%.
However
Linking Words
,
medium
Use synonyms
 baked
potato
Use synonyms
 seems to be a healthy food, as it contains only 10% of saturated fat.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, carbohydrates are the main ingredients in
macaroni
Use synonyms
, as it takes up to about half of the total
Use synonyms
nutrients
Change the noun form
nutrient
show examples
 proportion.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
macaroni
Use synonyms
 has only 11% both in protein and glucose. Surprisingly, it contains up to 21% of saturated fat, which is
doubled
Wrong verb form
double
show examples
 the proportion of
medium
Use synonyms
 baked
potato
Use synonyms
 ones.
Whereas
Linking Words
 other
nutrients
Use synonyms
 take only 5% of the total proportions.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words medium, potato, macaroni, nutrients with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutritional consistency
  • carbohydrates
  • proteins
  • fats
  • vitamins
  • minerals
  • fiber
  • proportion
  • component
  • pie graph
  • comparison
  • significant
  • balance
  • healthy
  • dietary choices
  • implications
  • absent
  • presence
  • macro-nutrients
  • micro-nutrients
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