Some people argue that because the internet makes it so easy for children to access facts, school should not focus on teaching facts. Instead, they should focus on developing children’s skills and potential, and their relationship with other people.

Nowadays, some individuals think that developing personal capacities and
skills
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at school could help children to improve their inhabitants’ abilities and relationships with other people, than teaching facts. I completely agree with
this
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statement, because these can identify and explore their strengths and conversation
skills
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for future education and career.
Firstly
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, the focus on developing
skills
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can lead to an uptake of knowledge and other information that they receive at school, but similar memorization of facts could not result.
However
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, when children actively participate in some research or debates, they deeply delve into learning materials.
For example
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,
instead
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of memorizing some historical facts they can investigate the causes of these events and draw their own conclusion about it.
Moreover
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,
this
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approach not only forces the best understanding from a long-term perspective but can help to figure out their strengths.
Secondly
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, currently, most employers require employees a good diplomatic capacity. The ability to cooperate is significant for different jobs and career growth.
As a result
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, schools pay attention to developing conversation
skills
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through group projects or role-playing games to graduate the students who will be more successful in the job market.
Therefore
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, emotional intellect directly affects personal well-being and achievement in different spheres of life. In conclusion, some people back up that evolving
skills
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and potential are more crucial for children at school than only memorizing information. I completely agree with
this
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, because it can foster to enhance their strengths and discussion
skills
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for the prospect of career and future education.

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task achievement
Your introduction presents the argument well but could be clearer. Consider rephrasing phrases for clarity, such as 'improving inhabitants' abilities' to 'enhancing children's skills'.
task achievement
While your points are relevant, they could benefit from more specific examples or evidence to strengthen the argument further. For instance, you could mention actual skills that children are better prepared with instead of just referring to 'skills'.
coherence and cohesion
The essay could be structured more clearly. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence that directly relates back to the thesis. This can help the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using linking words or phrases (e.g., 'Moreover', 'Furthermore', 'In addition') to improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion throughout the essay, and your agreement with the statement is consistent, which shows strong personal engagement with the topic.
task achievement
You have made good attempts to connect personal skills to future employment, which is a relevant and important point in today’s job market.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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