IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays eating habits of people around the world are changing, causing them many health problems including obesity. Why do people tend to eat so badly? What can be done to improve their eating habits?

#habits #people #world #health #obesity
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There can be no doubt that the topic of changes in
people
’s habits of eating are leading them to health concerns including obesity.
Although
this
 scenario has resulted from
busy
Add an article
a busy
the busy
show examples
 schedule,
hopes
Fix the agreement mistake
hope
show examples
 can be found in the form of meal
preparing
Replace the word
preparation
show examples
. It must be acknowledged that
people
 change their eating habits because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
living in a busy schedule. Nowadays, individuals are in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
strict work or study which means there is less
time
 to prepare
a healthy and balanced meals
Correct the article-noun agreement
healthy and balanced meals
a healthy and balanced meal
show examples
 throughout the day. Because of
this
, most
people
 opt for more convenient options like fast food or processed ones.
Thus
, it would lead to certain health issues like obesity or heart attack if consumed too much.
However
,
this
 problem can be easily addressed by implementing a strategy called meal preparation. Individuals will spend a certain amount of
time
 during the day
Change the verb form
preparing
show examples
to prepare
Wrong verb form
preparing
show examples
 breakfast, lunch and dinner for the day.
As a result
,
this
 not only
save
Change the verb form
saves
show examples
people
 a huge amount of
time
 but they can
also
 enjoy
their
Change the pronoun
the
show examples
 healthy meals that they prepared.
This
 method
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been used by a lot of gymers who desire to have the best nutrition during their active daily routine and heavy workouts that they do not have much
time
 to prepare. Taking everything into account, it can be seen that
this
 issue is the outcome of
people
 having busy work or study schedules.
Therefore
, it should be abundantly clear that
this
 problem can be solved by preparing meals in a specific amount of
time
.
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt well and provides a clear explanation of the causes and solutions regarding eating habits, but there's room for adding more depth and a variety of specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Try to provide more varied sentence structures and link your ideas more smoothly for better coherence and flow.
task achievement
Ensure that each main point is fully developed with examples and explanations, and avoid generalizations where possible.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, with a strong introduction and a well-defined conclusion.
task achievement
You offer a practical solution (meal preparation) to the problem, which makes your response relevant and insightful.
coherence cohesion
The ideas are clear and easy to follow, and your argument presents a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • processed food
  • fast food
  • nutritional education
  • calorie-dense
  • nutrient-poor
  • convenience
  • busy lifestyles
  • food deserts
  • marketing and advertising
  • food choices
  • cultural norms
  • food preparation
  • obesity
  • eating habits
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