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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think building cities is good for progress. Others believe it causes environmental and social problems. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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In modern society,
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of cities has become increasingly common and some citizens assert it is advantageous.
However
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, others argue that it is negative
due to
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 environmental and social issues. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both perspectives and conclude with why I firmly believe it is beneficial. From my perspective, many advantages can be provided by developing a
city
Use synonyms
. A well-developed
city
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 allows
people
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 to have a convenient lifestyle.
For example
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,
people
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 can access public transportation systems which offer them easy to travel in the
city
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.
Furthermore
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, having a solid infrastructure is
also
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 vital for human safety. As it can provide
shelters
Fix the agreement mistake
shelter
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 for individuals, particularly when natural disasters
such
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 as earthquakes or typhoons happen. Even though
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 may have impacts on the environment, they can be regulated by serious laws and regulations.
Therefore
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, it can be extremely beneficial when constructing it properly.
On the other hand
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, developing cities can
cause
Verb problem
have
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 some influences on nature. The main influence is that
people
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 develop habitats of wildlife which may lead to
struggling
Replace the word
struggles
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 like extinction or lacking food resources.
Moreover
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, crime rates might increase when individuals gather in the
city
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center
Change the spelling
centre
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 because they are prone to approach others.
For example
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, robbers and thieves may stay in the
city
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 where they are prone to find a target. To address these issues, some actions can be taken to solve them
such
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 as pre-evaluation and social support programs. In conclusion,
although
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 development can offer certain drawbacks for both
people
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 and the environment, it can be addressed by governmental measures. I support that building cities is essential for societies as it can offer benefits for humans.

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Task Achievement
Try to develop your ideas further by providing more specific examples and explanations. For instance, when discussing the benefits of cities, you could elaborate on how public transportation reduces traffic congestion and pollution.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs are clearly linked to each other. Consider using more cohesive devices that enhance the flow of your argument, such as 'moreover', 'however', and 'in addition'.
Structure
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines your intention to discuss both sides, which sets a clear expectation for the reader. This is a strong aspect of your writing.
Content
You have identified some potential issues that come with urban development, which shows a good understanding of the complexities of the topic. This is a notable strength in your argument.
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