IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that technology has improved the quality of life, while others think it has caused more problems than it has solved. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In the contemporary era, the importance of
technology
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 has become a topic of increasing concern. Some people believe that
technology
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 has improved lifestyle.
However
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, others argue that it has caused more problems than it has solved. In
this
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 essay, I will justify both perspectives before presenting my conclusion. To commence with, the advantage of
technology
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 is that it improves the quality of life because we connect with the global world through various social media apps like What App , Instagram, and Facebook.
For example
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, companies
such
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 as Microsoft and Zoom have made it easier for employees to work from home, increasing flexibility and productivity for millions of people worldwide.
Moreover
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, some individuals do online shopping on apps and websites.
As a result
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,
technology
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 makes things more convenient and faster. Moving ahead, the disadvantage of
technology
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 is that
children
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 are mainly affected by social media platforms.
For example
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, a child spends too much time on apps like Whats App, and Snapchat, and playing online exams, which can lead to a decrease in the
overall
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 academic performance of a child.
Furthermore
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,
technology
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 decreases face-to-face interaction with one another.
Therefore
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,
technology
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 has a bad effect on
children
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. In conclusion, both the pros and cons of
technology
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 will affect the citizens. Online classes help
children
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 to learn in remote areas without teachers, but too much spending time on mobile phones reduces their academic performance. We will get news from the all over world in a limited time. Maintaining a balance between these will help in the
overall
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 development of the
children
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 and people.

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task achievement
While the introduction is clear and presents both sides of the argument, it might benefit from a more nuanced thesis statement that reflects your opinion clearly. This would help set the reader's expectations for your evaluation.
coherence and cohesion
In your body paragraphs, ensure that each point is discussed logically and consider linking the paragraphs more explicitly to the overall argument. Try to use transitional phrases to improve flow.
task achievement
While your examples support your points, remember to ensure they are relevant and comprehensive. Consider including more varied examples, especially on the positive effects of technology.
content
Your essay presents a balanced view on the topic, effectively discussing both sides before concluding with your viewpoint.
language use
You have a good command of language and grammar rules, which enhances readability despite a few minor inaccuracies.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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