There is an increasing amount of advertising directed at children, encouraging them to buy toys and snacks. Many parents are worried that these advertisements put too much pressure on children, while some advertisements claim that they provide useful information to children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction

Nowadays, most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

children

Use synonyms

often

spends

Change the verb form

spend

show examples

more time

Change preposition

apply

show examples

watching TV,

therefor

Correct your spelling

therefore

show examples

, they are on

continouse

Correct your spelling

continuous

continuously

expos

Correct your spelling

exposure

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

advertisements.

However

Linking Words

, many

houshoulds

Correct your spelling

households

are concerned about the negative effects of

this

Linking Words

matter, Meanwhile,

advertisments

Correct your spelling

advertisements

has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

show examples

negative

Correct article usage

a negative

show examples

impact more than positive.

Rahaf7edan

Apr 27, 2025

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language

Try to work on grammatical accuracy and spelling mistakes to improve clarity.

coherence

Ensure your arguments are presented in a structured manner; use paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas.

task achievement

Develop your ideas further to provide a more comprehensive discussion on both sides of the argument.

task achievement

You have identified both views regarding advertising to children, which is a good start for the discussion.

task achievement

Your personal example adds a relatable touch to your argument, making your essay more engaging.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
50
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

226 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Materialism
Self-esteem
Peer pressure
Obesity
Creativity
Eating habits
Educational value
Moderating influence
Marketing strategies
Unhealthy snacks

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