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Writing Samples
Band 6

To improve the quality of education, some people think that we should encourage our students to evaluate and criticise their teachers. Other believe that this will result in loss of respect and discipline in the classroom. Discuss both views and give you opinion.

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In recent years, to upgrade the standard of the education sector, some people believe that
students
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 should be encouraged to asses and criticise the teaching methods of their tutors,
while
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 others think
this
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 will create a disrespectful and indisciplined atmosphere in education institutions. I strongly agree with the first opinion on account of better understanding and personal growth of children
This
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 essay will
further
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 explain my point of view in detail with a suitable conclusion. To start with, nowadays children are overly pampered by parents, which makes them arrogant and insensitive,sometimes they waste valuable teaching time by asking unnecessary questions and disturbing other
students
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. Even the
students
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 of primary classes are not eligible for making valid criticism, sometimes they can misconceive the tonality and feedback given by their cadre.
For example
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,
according to
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 a viral video on social media in an online class, where 8
years
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8-year-old
of
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apply
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girl disrespected her teacher when she asked her to pay attention, in return student called the teacher some names saying that the teacher was rude to her. On the other side, If
students
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 are proactive in the classrooms, and they are confident enough to communicate with teachers without any hesitation, that leads to building their confidence and improving their communication skills.
For instance
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, if a student is facing difficulty in understanding a particular equation,
then
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 he has all the right to ask their faculty member to explain that
further
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.
Such
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 an approach will help
students
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 for a detailed comprehension of the subjects, in which they are lacking.
Moreover
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,
such
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 an atmosphere allows teachers to gain trust and foster stronger relationships with
students
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, which ultimately leads to academic success. In conclusion, even though in some cases
this
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 approach might create a rift between teachers and
students
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 yet, effective for improving understanding and personality development for scholars at schools .

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task achievement
Your introduction does state your opinion, but it could be clearer. Make sure to specify both sides in the introduction itself before stating your view.
coherence and cohesion
In the body paragraphs, ensure that each point is clearly linked to the overall argument. Use topic sentences to introduce each paragraph's focus more clearly.
task achievement
Provide more concrete examples and ensure that they directly support your argument. For instance, the example of the girl disrespecting the teacher needs more context to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
You presented a clear opinion, which is important for the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical flow and addresses both sides of the argument.
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