Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is sometimes believed that juveniles should be taught
art
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as an essential subject at educational institutions,
in contrast
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, there are others who believe that
this
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is a waste of time. I believe
art
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fosters student's creativity and career advancement On the one hand, some people think that schools ought to teach children
art
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as a compulsory course, and I agree because it develops kids' creativity with the help of which they can enhance their imagination skills. It encourages students to express their emotions through their
art
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such
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as music, paintings, poetry etc.
Furthermore
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,
art
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helps students to choose a career in their area of interest
as well as
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brighten their future;
for instance
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, 99% of renowned singers of the country always mention in their interviews that they have been learning music since their childhood,
consequently
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, they became famous just because of their talent which was sharpened in their schools.
On the other hand
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, many say that having
art
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in schools not only distracts pupils from their studies but
also
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wastes their time at school, they can rather focus on other essential subjects i.e. mathematics, science and information technology.
Moreover
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, the world nowadays has been competitive in terms of getting better job opportunities,
hence
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it is necessary for children to stay focussed, and learn only in-demand courses at educational institutions. To explain, a study conducted at Waterloo University showed that 90% of students whose study grades were lower than A+ struggled for a
while
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to get a job in their field.
To conclude
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,
although
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people may vary in their opinions,
however
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, I believe that
art
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encourages children to be creative and helps them to choose the career they are interested in.

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coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow between ideas in your paragraphs by using clearer linking phrases and transitions. This will enhance the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Strengthen your introduction by clearly stating your opinion in a more explicit way and consider summarizing the key points you will discuss.
task achievement
In your conclusion, try to more clearly summarize the main arguments made in the essay rather than just mentioning your opinion again.
positive
Your essay demonstrates strong arguments in favor of art education and presents well-developed points.
positive
You have effectively included relevant examples that support your points, which is a strength in task achievement.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-expression
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • cultural awareness
  • tolerant society
  • STEM subjects
  • employability
  • rigorous subjects
  • curriculum
  • school budgets
  • enriches
  • complements
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