The government should sometimes infringe on people’s freedom for the security of society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Some people believe that individual
freedom
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is more important than the
security
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of society by the
government
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.
However
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, my view of
this
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issue is that social
security
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and safety
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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a higher priority than people’s
freedom
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, and
next,
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freedom
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should be guaranteed as well.
To begin
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with, I firmly believe that the
government
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can sometimes invade people’s
freedom
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to ensure the
security
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of people. The
government
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’s role is to prevent potential dangers in advance and assure safety and
security
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even if it makes people uncomfortable or inconvenient.
For example
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, the implementation of drug and alcohol tests is needed to remove hazards in the workplace. There is a possibility of violating worker’s
freedom
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, but it plays an important role in making a safe work environment.
Nevertheless
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, as long as ensuring
security
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, individual
freedom
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shouldn’t be interrupted by the
government
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. Every person has the right to speak out their opinions and protest to get what they want. It is the basic right guaranteed in fundamental law.
For instance
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, from the 1970s to 1980s in South Korea, if you argued your opinion, you could be caught by police. It was a very unfair situation in the view of the present, but at the time, there were a lot of overuses of the
government
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’s power.
To sum up
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, I am of the opinion that people’s
freedom
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can be infringed by the
government
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to prevent dangerous situations and ensure the
security
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and safety of society,
in contrast
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, I partly agree that personal
freedom
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should be guaranteed if the
security
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is not invaded.
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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the task, and your main points are well-supported. However, consider further elaborating on your points and providing more specific examples for better clarity. Also, be sure to address both sides of the argument equally to present a balanced view.
task achievement
Ensure your arguments are fully developed and well-supported with relevant specific examples. You provided a good example related to drug and alcohol tests and historical context in South Korea. However, adding more examples can strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical structure of your essay. While your ideas flow well, there's room for improvement in organizing your thoughts more cohesively. Consider using more transitional phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your arguments. However, refining your conclusion to succinctly restate your key points can enhance the cohesiveness of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay effectively reaches a complete response to the task, addressing the question directly and providing a strong viewpoint on the topic.
task achievement
You presented clear and comprehensive ideas supported by relevant examples, such as the implementation of drug and alcohol tests and the historical context in South Korea.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your arguments, making your essay cohesive and easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Infringe
  • Civil liberties
  • Public safety
  • Surveillance
  • Authoritarian regimes
  • Judicial oversight
  • Checks and balances
  • Patriot Act
  • National emergency
  • Erosion of freedoms
  • Security measures
  • Data collection
  • Balance of power
  • External threats
  • Disproportionately affected
  • Government surveillance
  • Ethical considerations
  • Legislative checks
  • Misuse of power
  • Civil rights
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