IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays many people have an unhealthy diet and do not exercise regularly. What are the reasons behind this trend? How can we encourage these people to live a healthy lifestyle?

In the contemporary era, some people have an unhealthy diet and do not exercise regularly. In my notion, it is a negative development. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss my opinion with some of the reasons. To commence with, one of the main reasons is
due to
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 a sedentary
lifestyle
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 as the rise of technology and sedentary entertainment options like television and video games reduces the livelihood of individuals participating in physical activities, leading to a lack of exercise and subsequent health consequences.
Moreover
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, the aggressive marketing of fast food and sugary products,
coupled with
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 their availability and lower cost compared to healthy foods, significantly influences dietary choices, making unhealthy options more appealing.
For example
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, fast foods like burgers, pizza, and cold drinks. Moving ahead, we have to encourage people to join gyms and do regular exercises early in the morning to lower their body weight and maintain BMI.
For example
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, eating lots of fresh fruits and drinking a lot of water helps to maintain our body fit and healthy.
Furthermore
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, giving awareness about what constitutes a healthy diet or the importance of regular exercise, leads to poor
lifestyle
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 choices. Avoid fast foods and unhealthy dishes like high-calorie value items. Eat dinner before 7:00pm and routinely walk early in the morning for about 30 minutes after breakfast. In conclusion,
due to
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 a sedentary
lifestyle
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 people reduce to participation in physical activities.
However
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, we have to encourage by giving awareness about a healthy
lifestyle
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. Maintaining a balance between these will lead to a healthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the task and presents reasons and solutions to the problem of unhealthy diets and lack of exercise. However, further development of your points would strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to create smoother transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This will help improve the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
While you provided some examples, more specific examples could enhance your points and appeal to the reader's understanding. Consider including statistics or specific studies to support your claims.
positive
Your introduction clearly states your opinion and outlines the two main areas you will discuss, which sets a good roadmap for the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • unhealthy diet
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • convenience foods
  • fast food
  • nutritional value
  • physical activity
  • obesity
  • chronic diseases
  • health education
  • healthy lifestyle
  • motivation
  • well-being
  • awareness
  • screen time
  • market influence
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