Some people believe that overconsumption of fast food is contributing to the global obesity epidemic. What problems are associated with this, and what solutions can be implemented

Obesity
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is considered a serious global
health
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issue.
This
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has turned into an epidemic, mainly caused by
fast-food
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consumption. Personally,
obesity
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can lead to
a
Change the article
the
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worst circumstance in which the
populationaround
Correct your spelling
population around
the world
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
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fragile and degraded. As the popularity of
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fast-food
Correct your spelling
fast food
show examples
is the trend, solving the issue or making it less severe should be done by providing more
quality
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materials to the public, making
fast-food
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become more
healthy
Replace the word
healthier
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.
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Fast-food
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Fast food
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contains a large amount of sodium
due to
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most being frozen and processed ingredients, making it affordable. By consuming a large quantity, the
population
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can become obese and prone to
another diseases
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another disease
other diseases
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easily.
Therefore
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,
obesity
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can cause
people
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with
potentials
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potential
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to become ill.
Moreover
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, they can contract serious conditions,
such
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as hypertension and diabetes.
As a result
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, the citizen's
health
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deteriorates; the government has fewer workforce but has to set aside funds in order to treat those
people
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with illness. There are many solutions that could be implemented to promote better
health
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for the
population
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. One of
thsoe
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these
could be done by lowering the price of good
quality
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meals
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, the
population
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are more encouraged to buy
high
Add a hyphen
high-quality
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quality
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meals
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due to
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both having the same price.
This
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means
people
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can have healthy hamburgers
instead
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of notorious burgers.
In addition
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to that, the government should
also
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provide the public
higher
Change preposition
with higher
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quality
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ingredients
toproduce
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to produce
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fast-food
Correct your spelling
fast food
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while
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also
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shortening its shelf life can make the
population
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more healthy
Correct word choice
healthier
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as well. In
coclusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, overconsumption of fast food can result in many serious
health
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issues, including
obesity
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. To counter these obstacles the government should provide alternatives to
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fast-food
Correct your spelling
fast food
show examples
for the citizens.
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Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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they could lower prices of the good
quality
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meals
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, so normal
people
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can afford healthy
meals
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.

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task achievement
Your introduction provides a clear overview of the topic and states your opinion effectively. It could be improved by explicitly stating the problems and solutions to be discussed in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The use of linking words and phrases can be improved to enhance the flow of your writing. Consider using phrases like 'On the one hand,' or 'Furthermore,' to connect your ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or data to support your points. For instance, citing research about fast food's impact on obesity rates could strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful about spelling and grammatical mistakes, as they can distract from your message. Review your work for minor errors such as 'worst circumstance,' 'the population around the world,' and spelling errors like 'thsoe' and 'coclusion.'
task achievement
You have presented relevant points regarding the health implications of obesity and potential solutions, which is important for task achievement.
task achievement
You have addressed both problems and solutions, demonstrating an understanding of the complexity of the issue.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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