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Writing Samples
Band 7

Many young people are spending much time on computers, which makes them less active. What are the reasons? What are some solutions?

Nowadays, more and more young
people
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 are adopting a sedentary lifestyle by engaging heavily with digital technology, especially computers. One main reason behind
this
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 trend is the appealing nature of short, engaging online content that effectively consumes their spare
time
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. Another contributing factor is the lack of parental involvement, as many
parents
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 focus primarily on securing the material well-being of their
children
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. I believe that
parents
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 should dedicate
time
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 to their
children
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 and encourage them to participate in meaningful extracurricular activities during their free
time
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. The core issue behind youths' overuse of technology is their abundance of unstructured free
time
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. Many
parents
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 are preoccupied with providing for their
children
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’s material needs—from necessities like food and clothing to fulfilling desires for the latest gadgets—leaving them with little
time
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 or energy to organize their
children
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's leisure activities.
As a result
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, teenagers often turn to computers for satisfying and entertaining experiences. Programs
such
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 as video games, YouTube videos, and movies, which are short,
colorful
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colourful
show examples
, and informative, are particularly appealing. By browsing various websites and downloading games,
such
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 as those from Nintendo, young
people
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 easily find ways to fill their
time
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 with pleasure.
For instance
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, a recent survey conducted by the Ministry of Education in Uzbekistan revealed that the majority of school students prefer playing video games after school, as these offer the most accessible and entertaining option. One effective solution is to encourage
parents
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 to build emotional bonds with their
children
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, rather than merely focusing on fulfilling their material needs. Engaging in daily conversations, preparing meals together, or sharing personal struggles can help divert
children
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’s attention away from screens.
Moreover
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, these practices contribute to the development of problem-solving and
critical thinking
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critical-thinking
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 skills in young
people
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. Recent studies have shown that a person's emotional intelligence (EQ) plays a crucial role in their
overall
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 IQ, which significantly impacts academic success. In conclusion, many young
people
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 are spending excessive
time
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 on digital media because their
parents
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 are less involved in their daily lives. A viable solution to
this
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 issue is to encourage greater parental engagement and to promote active participation in various family-oriented or extracurricular activities.

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positive
The introduction presents the main topic clearly and outlines the reasons that will be discussed. The conclusion effectively summarizes the points made throughout the essay, reinforcing the arguments presented.
advice
While the logical progression of ideas is generally well-structured, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs to indicate the main ideas being discussed. This will enhance the flow of your arguments.
advice
Although your examples are relevant, try to incorporate a few more specific details or statistics to strengthen your arguments further. Providing additional evidence can improve the overall impact of your points.
positive
The essay effectively identifies the reasons for young people's sedentary lifestyle and suggests practical solutions, demonstrating a clear understanding of the task.
positive
The essay employs a variety of vocabulary and complex sentence structures, which contributes to a more engaging reading experience.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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