Many young people are spending a lot of time on computers, which makes them less active. What are the reasons? What are some solutions?

Nowadays, an increasing number of young people are leading a sedentary lifestyle

due to

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their frequent interaction with digital devices, particularly computers. One major factor behind

this

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tendency is the attractive nature of short, engaging content that effortlessly consumes leisure hours. Another significant cause is the limited involvement of parents, who are often preoccupied with ensuring their children's financial stability. I believe that families should devote more attention to their children and encourage participation in meaningful extracurricular pursuits during their spare time. The root of

this

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overdependence on technology lies in unplanned free time. Many adults are heavily focused on providing for their children’s physical and material needs, from essentials like nutrition and clothing to high-end gadgets

such

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as modern computers or smartphones.

As a result

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, they often neglect to structure their children’s non-academic hours.

Consequently

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, young people turn to digital entertainment, including video games, movies, and colourful, easily digestible YouTube content, which offers instant satisfaction. By accessing various online platforms and downloading games, teenagers find enjoyable ways to occupy themselves.

For example

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, a recent survey conducted by the Ministry of Education in Uzbekistan revealed that most school-aged students prefer gaming after classes, as it represents the most accessible and entertaining option available. An effective remedy is to inspire parents to foster deeper emotional connections with their children, rather than concentrating solely on material provisions. Engaging in conversations, cooking meals together, or sharing personal experiences can help divert attention from excessive screen use.

Moreover

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such

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activities promote the development of critical thinking and problem-solving abilities. Recent findings suggest that emotional intelligence (EQ) significantly contributes to cognitive performance and is closely tied to academic success. In conclusion, the overuse of digital media among the younger generation is largely a result of insufficient parental engagement. A practical solution would be to encourage stronger family bonds and promote involvement in constructive and enriching activities.

Teo HalimovTue Apr 29 2025

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coherence and cohesion

To improve logical structure, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the thesis statement. This will enhance the flow of your ideas.

task achievement

While your examples are relevant, adding a few more specific cases or statistics could further strengthen your points and provide greater clarity.

task achievement

The essay presents a clear thesis statement and effectively outlines the reasons and solutions, demonstrating a strong understanding of the topic.

coherence and cohesion

Your conclusion nicely summarizes the key points and reinforces the argument, effectively tying together your ideas.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

311 words

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Many young people are spending a lot of time on computers, which makes them less active. What are the reasons? What are some solutions?

Your opinion

Crimes and other kinds of information on TV and newspaper have bad consequences. This kind of information should be restricted to be shown in the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement.

Global warming is one of the biggest threats to our environment. What causes global warming? What solutions are there to solve this problem? Please study the example and write your own essay. You can use information from the example, but in case you do, make sure to rework it.

Students should be taught academic knowledge so that they can pass exams, and skills such as cooking or dressing should not be taught. To what extent do you agree/disagree?

nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other.