IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The quality of healthcare a person received should not depend on the size of their bank balance. The government is responsible for providing a high level of healthcare for all its citizens. To what extent do you agree?

Healthcare
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 are a very important part of a country.
According to
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 authorities are responsible for giving a good level of medical
services
Use synonyms
 to all the
people
Use synonyms
 in the country. And
quality
Use synonyms
 of these
services
Use synonyms
 should not be related to the
bank
Use synonyms
balance
Use synonyms
 of the person. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 pay lots of
taxes
Use synonyms
 in order to get facilities in their respective countries. So, it should be the responsibility of the
government
Use synonyms
 to provide efficient
quality
Use synonyms
healthcare
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, in Canada
people
Use synonyms
 who are wo rking on higher paid jobs and lower paid jobs both have to pay their
taxes
Use synonyms
 equally. In the end,
people
Use synonyms
 are left only with less income after paying all types of
taxes
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 should be fully obligated to provide health care
services
Use synonyms
 to its citizens regardless of their
bank
Use synonyms
balance
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, if they provide
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 with these
services
Use synonyms
 by not seeing the
bank
Use synonyms
balance
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
's accounts.
Then
Linking Words
 it can help to erase the line between rich and poor
people
Use synonyms
. Everybody will be treated equally so there is no difference at all. Both rich and poor can feel stress-free because they do not have to worry about the
quality
Use synonyms
 of
healthcare
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I want to reiterate my opinion that
quality
Use synonyms
healthcare
Use synonyms
 should be the
government
Use synonyms
's responsibility. All the
people
Use synonyms
 whether they have more or less salary pay
taxes
Use synonyms
 equally.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 are stressed about their
bank
Use synonyms
balance
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 service should ease their stress.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider providing a clearer definition of what you mean by 'high level of healthcare'. This could enhance the understanding of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more transitional phrases to improve the flow between your ideas, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
Make sure to elaborate on your examples to show how they support your points. For instance, you mentioned Canada but didn't go into detail about how this illustrates your argument.
task achievement
Your stance on the topic is clear and you've expressed a strong opinion throughout the essay, which is a positive aspect.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is structured logically, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, demonstrating a good understanding of essay organization.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • basic human right
  • societal well-being
  • quality of life
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • social unrest
  • affordability
  • accessibility
  • social justice
  • equality
  • resource allocation
  • quality standards
  • private healthcare
  • profit
  • taxes
  • burden
What to do next:
Look at other essays: