IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

it is often said that crime is one of the main things that makes the quality of life poorer. what are the problems associated with this tendency, and what are the possible solutions.

Needless to say,
crimes
Use synonyms
 play a big role in deteriorating the quality of
life
Use synonyms
 in the world. There are several problems arising from
this
Linking Words
 tendency,
as well as
Linking Words
 a number of solutions to eradicate these matters. One of the main problems is related to the freedom of citizens.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 when crime rates are increasing, the majority of people restrict themselves in order not to be the victims of
crimes
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, there are a number of families that want to have an enjoyable time with each family member, but some statistics verify that these individuals feel themselves in danger. So that they do not prefer to stay at home rather than
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 a good time and
enjoying from
Wrong verb form
enjoy
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
Use synonyms
. Through
this
Linking Words
 example, it can be understood that
crimes
Use synonyms
 create a feeling of fear in people that induces individuals not to be satisfied with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
Use synonyms
. Dealing with
this
Linking Words
 issue involves some strict law
enforcements
Fix the agreement mistake
enforcement
show examples
 that
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 intended to reduce the increasing crime rates. These rules can include severe punishments that will make people commit
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
crimes
Use synonyms
 for
fearing
Replace the word
fear
show examples
 away repercussions.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
decreased
Correct article usage
the decreased
show examples
 number of
crimes
Use synonyms
, locals will be in prosperity that will increase the standards of living.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that,
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
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 tourism can be affected. It is evident that a huge amount of money that comes from tourism can be used for the increase of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 conditions. These
sort
Fix the agreement mistake
sorts
show examples
Use synonyms
crimes
Change preposition
of crimes
show examples
 affect
country's
Correct article usage
a country's
show examples
 good
reputations
Fix the agreement mistake
reputation
show examples
 that will prevent governments from attracting tourists. Tackling
this
Linking Words
 issue
goes through
Verb problem
involves
show examples
 eradicating
such
Linking Words
 cases and raising a good reputation. In conclusion,
crimes
Use synonyms
 affect the quality of
life
Use synonyms
 badly. To reduce crime rates strict regulations should be implemented.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the topic and provides a brief overview of the issues and solutions, which is good for task achievement. However, try to elaborate on the importance of addressing crime in your introduction to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
While your essay has a logical structure, the connection between paragraphs could be smoother. Use linking words or phrases to enhance the flow of ideas and ensure the coherence of your arguments (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'On the other hand', etc.).
task achievement
Supporting details in your body paragraphs could be more specific. For example, provide statistics or examples of countries that have successfully reduced crime rates. This would strengthen your argument and demonstrate a clearer understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively summarizes your perspective on the topic.
task achievement
You address both problems and solutions related to crime, which shows a well-rounded understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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