IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media. Do you agree that this is the main cause of juvenile crime? What solutions you can offer to deal with this situation?

A widely held view is that an upward trend in juvenile delinquency is caused by
violence
Use synonyms
 in social media. Agreeing with the idea of finding it as one of the major causes, the essay suggests that governmental policy reforms could offer a solution. Worldwide, the increase in
teenagers'
Replace the word
teenage'
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crime
Use synonyms
 is observed
due to
Linking Words
 various reasons. Clearly, one of them is
aggressive
Correct article usage
the aggressive
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 actions they face in different places,
such
Linking Words
 as educational institutions, social circles
as well as
Linking Words
 media. The psychological state of
children
Use synonyms
 in the age group between 6-16 is very sensitive to the surrounding environment;
violence
Use synonyms
 affects them in a negative way and has a serious impact on their future. Being hurt by
such
Linking Words
 situations, psychologically unstable
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
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 see it as
Correct article usage
a triggers
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triggers
Fix the agreement mistake
trigger
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 to commit
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, facing
violence
Use synonyms
 much in society
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 converts it into something normal for people
instead
Linking Words
 of supposed extraordinary.
For instance
Linking Words
, one of the most popular TV series launched in Turkey in 2012 called "Kurtlar Vadisi Pusu" turned shootings, murders and aggression
as well as
Linking Words
 carrying weapons into something normal and natural; the
crime
Use synonyms
 rate among
children
Use synonyms
 and the young in that period of time increased by 32%.
Although
Linking Words
violence
Use synonyms
 leads to
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 increase in the number of committed crimes by
children
Use synonyms
, the situation can be changed in a better way if governments implement appropriate policies. It is obvious that the majority of teenagers
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
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 psychological support during that period of time owing to changes in both mental and physical well-being, which make them go through difficult times. If governments impose mandatory mental support for these individuals in all possible spheres of their lives starting with education and ending with family interaction, beneficial outcomes can be reached.
For example
Linking Words
, in 2023, the Ministry of Justice and the Ministry of Health of the Republic of Azerbaijan initiated
the
Correct article usage
a
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 joint project aimed at declining juvenile delinquency by supporting
mental
Add an article
the mental
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 health of problematic teenagers and
ex offenders
Add a hyphen
ex-offenders
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; the
crime
Use synonyms
 has been decreasing by 42% by 2025.
To conclude
Linking Words
, believing that
violence
Use synonyms
 in the media causes the increase in
children
Use synonyms
committed
Wrong verb form
committing
show examples
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
, the essay offers governmental support as the key solution to the problem.

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task achievement
While your introduction clearly presents your stance, consider providing a brief overview of the main points you will discuss in the body paragraphs. This will give the reader a clearer preview of your essay structure.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains well-organized paragraphs, but transitions between some ideas could be smoother. Use linking words (e.g., 'furthermore', 'in addition') to connect your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
You presented relevant examples, such as the Turkish TV series, but make sure to clarify how they directly relate to your argument about juvenile crime. Stronger connections between examples and statements can enhance your support for the main points.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents a well-reasoned argument supporting your viewpoint.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as statistics regarding juvenile delinquency and initiatives in Azerbaijan, adds strength to your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes the arguments made in the essay and restates your position effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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