IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Youth
education
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 has become a grave concern.It is widely believed that teenagers should receive full-time
education
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 until the age of 18. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 view, as
education
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 not only provides essential academic knowledge but
also
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 shapes a young person’s future and
overall
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 development.
Firstly
Linking Words
, continuing full-time
education
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 until 18 allows students to acquire foundational skills and knowledge that are crucial for both higher
education
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 and
career
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 readiness.
This
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 period is critical for exploring
career
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 options, developing interests, and gaining the qualifications needed to succeed. Without adequate
education
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, young people may find themselves unprepared for the demands of the job market, which can lead to long-term struggles.
For instance
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, a student with a strong aptitude in science who leaves school early may miss out on opportunities to pursue a successful
career
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 in that field.
This
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 is the precious time in student's life when they are deciding on their
career
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.
Secondly
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, staying in school reduces the likelihood of youth becoming involved in antisocial or illegal activities. Teenagers who are not engaged in
education
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 may be more susceptible to negative influences,
such
Linking Words
 as drug use or petty crime. Studies in parts of India have shown that regions with lower school retention rates often experience higher crime levels among youth.
Education
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 provides structure, discipline, and purpose, which are vital for healthy psychological and social development. In conclusion, ensuring that teenagers remain in full-time
education
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 until the age of 18 is essential. It supports their academic, emotional, and social growth,
while
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 contributing to a more stable and productive society.

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task achievement
Consider providing a counter-argument or acknowledging the opposing view to strengthen your position and demonstrate critical thinking.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to leave a space between sentences and avoid run-on sentences for better readability. Punctuation can be reviewed in places.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear position and addresses the prompt effectively, arguing convincingly for extending education until age 18.
coherence and cohesion
The structure is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that support the main idea, and a solid conclusion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental cornerstone
  • literacy and numeracy
  • social inequalities
  • foundation of knowledge
  • social mobility
  • informed and engaged citizenry
  • democratic processes
  • youth crime rates
  • productive activities
  • vocational training
  • workforce
  • stifling individual talent
  • economic contribution
  • stress and mental health issues
  • unsuitable educational system
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • diverse talents
  • career paths
  • formal academic education
  • financial strains
  • low-income countries
  • improving quality of education
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