IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The only reason why people work hard is to earn money and there is no other reason for doing so. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#reason #people #work #money
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Some
people
 argue that the only reason
individuals
work
 hard is to earn
money
 and that there are no other motivations for their efforts.
While
 I agree that earning
money
 is an important factor driving
people
 to
work
 diligently, I believe there are
also
 higher purposes that inspire
individuals
 to strive for excellence in their
work
. On the one hand, earning
money
 is a significant motivator for working hard. There are two main reasons why
people
 prioritize financial rewards.
First,
money
 enables
individuals
 to improve their living standards. They can afford a comfortable home, a car, and other conveniences that make their lives more enjoyable.
Additionally
, financial success often serves as a symbol of social status.
For instance
,
people
 who earn high salaries can purchase luxury items like expensive cars, which demonstrate their accomplishments and elevate their position in society.
On the other hand
,
people
also
work
 hard for higher purposes. One key reason is job satisfaction. Some
individuals
 are deeply passionate about their
work
 and find immense happiness in pursuing tasks they love.
This
 sense of
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
 can lead to a more meaningful and purpose-driven life.
Furthermore
, others dedicate themselves to making a positive impact on society.
For example
, Mr. Hoàng Hoa Trung, a devoted volunteer, has spent nearly 15 years working tirelessly to support underprivileged students in remote mountainous areas. By mobilizing public support, he has helped build schools and bridges, giving these students better access to education. In conclusion,
While
 earning
money
 is a fundamental reason for working hard, it is not the sole purpose. Many
individuals
 strive to achieve higher goals,
such
 as personal
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
 and contributing to their communities, which provide deeper meaning to their efforts.
Submitted by nguyennguyet.vcu on

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task achievement
Enhance the explanation of certain examples to ensure clarity for the reader. Some details might be expanded upon to provide a fully comprehensive understanding of the points raised.
coherence cohesion
Continue to improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs to further enhance the quality of coherence. Consider transitional phrases or connecting sentences that strengthen the argument's interconnectedness.
coherence cohesion
Excellent introduction and conclusion that clearly frame the essay, making your standpoint easily understood.
task achievement
Skillful balance in addressing both sides of the argument. The essay clearly tackles the prompt by discussing money as a motivator and addressing other motivational factors.
task achievement
Good use of a specific example (e.g., Mr. Hoàng Hoa Trung) to support your point about higher purposes, which adds credibility to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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