IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that children’s leisure activities must be educational otherwise, they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree?

There is a controversial problem that
parents
Use synonyms
 should control their
children
Use synonyms
’s free
time
Use synonyms
 and provide them with an educational environment so as not to waste their
time
Use synonyms
 on
leisure
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
. From my perspective, I do disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement for many reasons, outlined in detail in the following paragraphs before the conclusion is reached. On the one hand, if
parents
Use synonyms
 let their
children
Use synonyms
 participate in different courses,
such
Linking Words
 as math, computer science and learning language, they would not waste their quality
time
Use synonyms
 doing unnecessary things.
As a result
Linking Words
, they create fundamental knowledge at an early age to be a master of their workspace and create a bright future for themselves and their
children
Use synonyms
. Not only learning academic subjects but
also
Linking Words
 doing household chores is useful for boys and girls.
For example
Linking Words
, I think that every man must know how to garden, water, use construction tools and have knowledge of how to use electronic devices. And girls need to know cooking, cleaning and
also
Linking Words
 washing dishes. It is believed that in the European educational system,
children
Use synonyms
 are taught 7 hours a day which is why they need to have a rest from their academic studies so
parents
Use synonyms
 give opportunities to their
children
Use synonyms
 to play outside, hang out with friends, go to the theatre with mates not to burn out from their studies. If
parents
Use synonyms
 did not create
leisure
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
, their
children
Use synonyms
 would lose educational interest at an early age. The
children
Use synonyms
 feel difficulties to study when they understand the importance of education. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 educational
activities
Use synonyms
 are undoubtedly important for a child’s development,
leisure
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
 should not be dismissed as a waste of
time
Use synonyms
. Balanced free
time
Use synonyms
 that includes rest, play, and social interaction helps
children
Use synonyms
 stay motivated, avoid burnout, and develop important life skills.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I strongly believe that
children
Use synonyms
’s
leisure
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
 do not always have to be educational, as they play a vital role in their
overall
Linking Words
 well-being and growth.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure
Your introduction effectively presents your viewpoint and sets up the essay well. However, you might want to include a brief overview of the main points you will discuss in your body paragraphs to give a clearer direction to your argument.
Content
The body paragraphs contain good points; however, ensure that your examples are consistently tied back to your main argument. For instance, when discussing household chores, try to link it directly to educational value more clearly.
Depth
Your conclusion nicely summarizes the discussion, but you could emphasize the importance of balance even more. Perhaps add a final thought on how this balance can set them up for future success.
Clarity
You clearly state your position in the introduction and provide a solid conclusion that aligns with your viewpoint. This helps to maintain a clear argument throughout the essay.
Language
You use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary, which adds interest to your writing. Additionally, your ideas are mostly relevant to the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • leisure activities
  • educational value
  • life experiences
  • curiosity
  • critical thinking
  • social development
  • emotional development
  • teamwork
  • creativity
  • physical health
  • well-rounded personality
  • balance
  • recreational activities
  • stress relief
  • mental health
  • inspire
  • love for learning
What to do next:
Look at other essays: