IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Detailed description of crimes on newspaper and TV can have bad consequences on society, so this kind of information should be restricted on media. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some
people
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 argue that restricting detailed information regarding criminal activities in media like newspapers and TV will reduce negative impacts on society. I agree with the statement because excessive descriptions of the bad behaviour of criminals in media result in poor mental health in the
news
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 consumers. The media has a responsibility to avoid promoting violence, so they should restrict the details of
this
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 kind of information.
News
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 depicting violence and criminal behaviours may have negative psychological impacts on vulnerable
people
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, especially young
people
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. Consuming criminal disproportionate
news
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 can lead to imitation among young audiences with insufficient critical judgement.
For example
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, juvenile delinquents in the US admitted that they just wanted to imitate the acts of criminals shown on the
news
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.
Moreover
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, watching detailed descriptions by showing photos and videos of the criminal committing a crime on TV every day can lead to an increase in stress levels on a daily basis, resulting in long-term psychological issues.
For example
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, when
people
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 who are prone to have anxiety disorder watch some
news
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 that triggers their negative thoughts,
this
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 may cause them insomnia or maybe panic attacks. In conclusion, I agree that detailed information on criminal actions should be restricted because
this
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 can cause many drawbacks for individuals.

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Task Achievement
The introduction clearly states your position; however, further elaboration on the consequences of detailed media coverage could enhance your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all points support the overall argument effectively. The examples provided are relevant but could be more fully developed.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider linking your ideas more clearly between sentences and paragraphs for better flow. Transition phrases can be helpful for guiding the reader.
Task Achievement
You effectively argue for your position with relevant examples that demonstrate your point.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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