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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys ?

In recent years, there has been a growing trend of buying an extensive amount of games for kids. There are many benefits of
this
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 trend
such
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 as more entertainment and child growth.
However
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, it
also
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 has a few drawbacks as it reduces the quality
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time
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of time
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 with
parents
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 and can distract children.
This
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 essay will elaborate on both pros and cons of having a large number of games. One of the major advantages is that improves kids' creativity and imagination. A large number of
toys
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 allows youngsters to know more about different characters and scenes,
thus
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leads to boost
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boosting
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 their imagination skills and creativity.
Moreover
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, having numerous playthings
keep
Correct subject-verb agreement
keeps
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 toddlers engaged in various activities throughout the day.
As a result
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, their mothers have more leisure
time
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 in which they can easily perform household duties and work on their professional tasks.
Also
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, a wide range of
toys
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 can entertain children for a longer period as they will not get bored
due to
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 the variety which is beneficial for both children's growth and
parents
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'
time
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 management.
On the other hand
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, there are some negative effects of having too many games. First and foremost is that by having too much variety of playing stuff a child will not be able to focus on a specific task.
For instance
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, if a kid has to study he or she will be diverted by other activities.
This
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 can lead to a behaviour of absentminded in a focused activity.
Furthermore
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, exposure to too many
toys
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 will impact the bonding of youngsters with their
parents
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. As they spend hours playing with
toys
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 they will eventually become more connected with their playthings and want to spend more hours with playing stuff
instead
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 of their
parents
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.
Consequently
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, the quality
time
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 between
parents
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 and youngsters will be reduced leading to less emotional connection. In conclusion,
although
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 having a large number of
toys
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keep
Correct subject-verb agreement
keeps
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 kids engaged and allows more free
time
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 for their mothers it can
also
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 affect their connection with loved ones.
Lastly
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, giving toddlers too many
toys
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 can result in enhancing their skills
as well as
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 productivity
whereas
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 it can reduce their focus on the outer world.

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task achievement
Ensure that each major point is clearly linked to the question, and consider providing more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the transition between ideas in some sections, especially between the advantages and disadvantages. This can help in guiding the reader more smoothly through the essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Ideas are generally well-developed, providing some valuable insights into the effects of having many toys.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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