IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Children engaged in sports are often overloaded with physical activity or get serious traumas. What are the main reasons for this? What solutions can you suggest?

Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even
,
the
Correct word choice
though the
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 who practice sports are often overloaded with physical activity and can get serious traumas, I believe
this
Linking Words
 is the best way for them to grow up. There are many factors that can lead to
get
Verb problem
apply
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traumas as a
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 enthusiast. To give some examples, there a health issues, psychological reasons and financial problems that can be a struggle
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 experience.To illustrate the reasons listed above, I am going to give the common situations of each.
Firstly
Linking Words
, if someone
practice
Change the verb form
practices
show examples
 a contact
sport
Use synonyms
, there is always a probability
to get
Change preposition
of getting
show examples
 hurt by the opposite team, your
team mates
Correct your spelling
teammates
show examples
 or even by yourself. Which can be a traumatic and
hurtfull
Correct your spelling
hurtful
 experience.
Secondly
Linking Words
, some parents put their own frustrations on their
children
Use synonyms
 and put an extreme amount of
preassure
Correct your spelling
pressure
 on them when they
pratice
Correct your spelling
practice
practise
 or compete. And, even if they do not put the
preassure
Correct your spelling
pressure
, sometimes they do not know how to help them to overcome the frustration of losing.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, not
have
Wrong verb form
having
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 enough money or government support can be a reason to be left out of
a
Remove the article
apply
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competition in the lower
divissions
Correct your spelling
divisions
division
, because they can´t afford to be there, which is sadly a normal situation in some regions. I am convinced that the schools, local and central governments play a major
rol
Correct your spelling
role
 in the sports development of the
children
Use synonyms
. Everywhere you can find great talent, but, if they don´t get the opportunity to use it, they can lose it. So, the juveniles who have enough support
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 can overcome all the situations that I mention earlier. The professors, physical education teachers and local trainers can support a child to overcome an injury, a bad parent and the lack of funding. So, in conclusion, a good
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 community can help the
children
Use synonyms
 to have a healthy
relation
Replace the word
relationship
show examples
 with sports and, with that, they are going to be able to develop all the great things that a healthy life can give them.

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task achievement
This essay addresses the task but could be more comprehensive. Ensure you cover all aspects of the question in detail.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your ideas. Using clear transitions will enhance the overall structure and clarity.
overall
Be careful with grammatical accuracy and spelling to enhance clarity; for instance, double-check words like 'preassure' (pressure) and 'hurtfull' (hurtful).
task achievement
You have presented relevant reasons and solutions to the issue, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusions link back to the importance of support in children's sports, which effectively wraps up your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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