IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and dtermination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Dicuss both views and give your opinion.

It is commonly believed that success in different parts
in
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of
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 life gains from working hard and great management. At the same time, many people hold the opposite view there are more essential requirements
such
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 as budget and appearance.
This
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 essay completely disagrees with the second opinion.
However
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, we will discuss both sides. On the one hand, it is considered by several that education and working hard at university or a job are
an
Correct article usage
apply
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important
key
Fix the agreement mistake
keys
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lead
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leading
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 to better situations because
of
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apply
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high marks or a strong CV Is
a
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apply
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strong evidence of people's abilities.
Furthermore
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, it is more stable for
future
Correct article usage
the future
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 to earn a bachelor's degree or a
succeeded
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successful
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 project because they are going to improve and promote with additional work.
Such
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 as a suitable job in some organisation or a new contract and enhance the level of projects.
On the other hand
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, it is argued that money and widespread authority are
the
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apply
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more valuable than diligence or marks. Because a rich person has the ability to get a lot of opportunities.
Moreover
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, he will not have any percentage of risks in his career or business.
In contrast
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, it is impossible to ensure that money will not be lost or wasted.
For example
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, a famous chairman called Astro has lost his worth in
one year
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one-year
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 conditions. The main reason was not enough management for his budget.
Consequently
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, he suffers because he did not complete his bachelor's degree.
To sum up
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, it is
serious
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important
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 to keep working hard in life to avoid any form of danger. But, money is an assistance factor to get the best conditions. In my opinion, it is
more safety
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safe
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 to
success
Replace the word
succeed
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by
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in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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diligence.

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Task Achievement
Try to make your introduction clearer by paraphrasing the question more effectively. Also, specify your opinion more explicitly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your points.
Task Achievement
Ensure that all your ideas are fully developed and connected to the main argument by providing more examples or explanations.
Task Achievement
Your essay covers both views and includes a personal opinion at the conclusion, which is a great approach for this type of task.
Task Achievement
You attempted to provide examples to support your points, which is important for demonstrating your understanding and relevance.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your paragraphs are organized, and you have a clear introduction and conclusion, which is essential for readability.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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