Some people believe that schools should reward those students who show excellent academic performance while some believe that only the ones who show significant improvement in the grades should be rewarded. Discuss both the views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, people, particularly parents, are paying attention to students throw their performance. It has been controversial for individuals “who should take rewards for their study in schools?”, who has obviously improved or who acts well in their major. In my opinion, those who do their best should get rewarded for their try. In
this
essay, I will discuss both views and will give my opinion. The first approach to
this
topic belongs to people who say rewards should not be attached to the best performance and high grades, so all the students who show their best should receive rewards.
Furthermore
, They believe making an effort and the process itself is more valuable than the result. In their point of view, being motivated, doing your best, and having some dedication can solve any problem, and it is enough. On the flip side, others believe that only smart students with high grades should receive regard. They think making an effort to do something is not enough and the result is more important than the way.
This
view can challenge others because only
results
can be seen.
For instance
, somebody who exercises every day to attend in Olympics, without achieving any medals is not in the circle of attention, and all eyes are on who wins the medals. In my point of view, doing your best is more attractive than
results
because there is something
that is
unreachable to anyone.
Additionally
, in some positions
results
,
results
are attached to a lot of elements
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and are not in your hand,
therefore
you can only try and try.
Submitted by mehdikarimi0811 on

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Introduction
Introduce both views more clearly in your introduction to prepare the reader for the discussion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words to improve flow and coherence between ideas and paragraphs.
Examples
Expand on your examples by detailing how they support your points. This strengthens your argument and demonstrates a deeper level of analysis.
Conclusion
Clarify your conclusion by summarizing both sides of the argument more distinctly before stating your opinion, to reinforce the discussion and your stance.
Task Response
You successfully discussed both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay structure is clear, with separate paragraphs for each viewpoint and your opinion, aiding readability.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic performance
  • excellent academic performance
  • significant improvement
  • motivates
  • aspires
  • intelligence
  • hard work
  • dedication
  • competitive spirit
  • academic success
  • struggle academically
  • perseverance
  • innate ability
  • confidence
  • valued
  • growth mindset
  • inclusive environment
  • holistic education
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