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Writing Samples
Band 6

Unhealthy eating has a negative effect on both individuals and the society in which they live. Some people think that the government should tax unhealthy foods while others believe that a ‘fat tax’ is unfair and unnecessary. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#effect #individuals #society #people #government #tax #foods #‘fat #tax’
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The growth of the fast-
food
 market among people who have hectic schedules with their work or studies enhances the consumption rate, which is leading to negative impacts on both individuals and the community. Many think that the government should control
this
 by implementing a fat
tax
 on unhealthy
food
while
 others argue
that is
 not a requirement. I believe that the fat
tax
 is unnecessary since it may burden society. It is true to say that unhealthy
food
 has many negative effects on residents and the community as it creates physical health issues. The significant rise in unhealthy
food
such
 as fast
food
 and street
food
 could increase obesity rates.
This
 is because it contains an imbalance of nutrient ingredients which may cause inconsistency in human cortisol levels and may hinder the blood circulation system of humans.
Consequently
, many diseases are likely to happen as the immunity resistance decreases in the body. For these reasons, some think the government should
tax
 unhealthy
food
 in order to control the health issues in society. The
tax
 contributes to the total cost of
food
 and it probably reduces the buying rate of unhealthy
food
.
On the other hand
, others believe that it is an unfair action to apply the fat
tax
 on unhealthy
food
 as it offers difficulties in their financial issues for paying additional taxes
while
 they have to make other
tax
 payments monthly.
Instead
 of collecting additional
tax
 on fast
food
, there are many alternative options that the government can establish to make people aware of a healthy lifestyle.
For instance
, generating a wide range of campaigns
such
 as marathon running competitions, and seminars for healthy diet and lifestyle could increase individuals’ knowledge about having a quality of life which would result in less consuming unhealthy
food
 and fewer health problems in the society. After considering both views, I strongly agree that collecting the fat
tax
 is unfair for individuals in a nation as it demands extra costs of a month
although
 it can control the overconsumption of unhealthy
food
 at affordable prices.
Submitted by mamamonkey45 on

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task achievement
In the task response section, you can enhance your essay by providing more specific examples to support your points. This will help to better illustrate your arguments and provide more depth to your essay.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, ensure that your ideas flow smoothly between paragraphs. Using transition words and phrases can help guide the reader through your arguments more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to effectively frame your argument.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both views on the topic, which shows a good understanding of the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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