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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some children receive almost no encouragement from their parents regarding their performance at school, while other children receive too much pressure from their over enthusiastic parents which can have a negative impact on the child. Why do you think some parents put too much pressure on their children to perform well at school? What do you think the role of a parent should be in their child's education?

There are two different approaches to upbringing
children
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 in modern
life
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. The first group of people believe that excessive intervention in
school
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life
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 can lead to negative outcomes. Meanwhile, others argue that
parents
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 should strictly control
children
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's
marks
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 and attain good ones no matter it costs. In my opinion,
parents
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 can be obsessed with
children
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’s
performance
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 at
school
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 because they firmly believe that excellent
marks
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 help them to build happy and secure lives.
However
Linking Words
, they should just support their offspring and teach them to adapt to new circumstances.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, from
parents
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' perspective, being a good student is a safe way to achieve a successful and prosperous
life
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. By having great academic
performance
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, young people can expect better work opportunities and better lives in general.
Parents
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 strongly believe that the career ladder is quite obvious. First of all, you show high
performance
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 at
school
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,
then
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 you enter a prestigious university and eventually receive a well-paid job.
Nonetheless
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, in fact, the way is not impeccable and full of unpredictable obstacles.
Thus
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, I think that
parents
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 should prepare
children
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 for a real adult
life
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. They have to teach new generations to adapt to a rapidly changing world and make decisions depending on circumstances. In
this
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 case,
parents
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 should focus on the development of these skills rather than
marks
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.
As a result
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, whether
children
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 show high
performance
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 at
school
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 or not they always will be able to find a decent job and live in abundance. In conclusion, it goes without saying that all
parents
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 desire better lives for their offspring but pushing
children
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 to obtain high
marks
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 does not necessarily achieve that. I tend to believe that
parents
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 should explain to
children
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 that
school
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 is a platform for preparation for
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
real
life
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. It means that at
school
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,
children
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 can use different approaches and adapt in order to understand how the world works, and
parents
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 should completely support
this
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.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear argument and you’ve addressed the prompt effectively, discussing both the reasons parents pressure their children and what support should look like. However, you could enhance your task achievement by incorporating more specific examples or case studies to strengthen your points.
coherence and cohesion
While your ideas are logically structured, the flow can be improved by using more varied linking words and phrases to enhance transitions between points. This would improve cohesion throughout your essay.
positive
You have articulated your viewpoint clearly, and the introduction effectively sets the context for the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • encouragement
  • performance
  • pressure
  • overzealous
  • impact
  • educational experiences
  • expectations
  • societal influences
  • cultural expectations
  • academic success
  • fear of failure
  • protective measure
  • competitive nature
  • job markets
  • undue pressure
  • motivation
What to do next:
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