IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

A gift (such as a camera, a soccer ball, or an animal) can contribute to a child’s development. What gift would you give to help a child develop? Why? Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice.

There is no doubt that gifts are a crucial means to help
children
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to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
improve many aspects of their personalities. From my perspective, the best gift for younger people is a bicycle because I believe that it enhances their physical health and develops their social
skills
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. In terms of strengthening muscles, cycling as a process forces legs to move in a circle movements which leads to making legs stronger
as a result
Linking Words
, they can participate in physical activities without facing difficulties. A 2009 Southern University study showed that
children
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 who ride a bike at least three times a week usually join the hardest activities more than others
such
Linking Words
 as Karate and hiking. On the other side, cycling improves
children
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's social
skills
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. Cycling puts the major responsibility on the cyclist which makes them more independent and careful.
Besides
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, they need to learn how to balance to avoid falls,
this
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 skill in some way makes humans balance their emotions . A school experiment collected information about the students who prefer cycling
subsequently
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, they sent them on a journey to test their
skills
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 compared to other students. Unexpectedly, the results showed that the cyclist kids were more skilled in dealing with the difficulties that faced during the trip. In conclusion, there are many reasons that motivate me to lean towards choosing a bike as a
children
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's gift.
Firstly
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, it strengthens their muscles
consequently
Linking Words
, gives them more abilities.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it improves their social
skills
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 by depending on their legs
while
Linking Words
 riding a bicycle. So, parents must involve cycling as a daily activity and schools have to organise an efficacy teaching younger students how to ride a bike with balance.

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coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that present the main idea. However, transitioning between points could be improved for better flow. Consider using more linking words to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Some examples provided are relevant, but more specific details or data could enhance the argument. For instance, explaining the study in greater detail or providing personal anecdotes can strengthen your points.
task achievement
While you addressed both physical health and social skills, elaborating more on how these elements impact a child's overall development can add depth to your overall argument.
task achievement
The choice of a bicycle as a gift is well-justified with two strong reasons: physical development and social skills enhancement.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is generally clear, with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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