In many countries around the world young people decide to leave their parents' home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a house with friends. Is this a positive or a negative development?

It is widely known that high

scool

Correct your spelling

school

graduaters

Correct your spelling

graduates

graduate

abandon their family home to live independently or with their

acquaintences

Correct your spelling

acquaintances

. In my opinion, leaving your hometown after you turn 18 is a positive notion, and it will have a beneficial impact on you. On

one

Correct article usage

the one

show examples

hand,

Independecy

Correct your spelling

independence

streanghts

Correct your spelling

strengthens

people's

personality

Fix the agreement mistake

personalities

show examples

and

shape

Correct subject-verb agreement

shapes

show examples

them better as individuals. If males depend on themselves

finincially

Correct your spelling

financially

and pay all the bills,

this

Linking Words

will teach them how to be

responsibile

Correct your spelling

responsible

Therfore

Correct your spelling

Therefore

, being accountable will enrich them with power and make them robust in terms of facing life challenges.

For instance

Linking Words

, when my brother was 17 years old, he used to ask

money

Change preposition

for money

show examples

from my father who never refused his demand.

However

Linking Words

, when he turned 18 he absorbed that he must rely on himself and spent his own money.

As a result

Linking Words

, he became a

srtonger

Correct your spelling

stronger

person and had full

respnsibility

Correct your spelling

responsibility

for himself.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, It is tremendously better to plan for the future from an early age.

Moreover

Linking Words

, guys who had planned well after they left their house were more successful compared to boys who started late.

For example

Linking Words

, Mark

has

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

obtained three jobs in his youth

while

Linking Words

Simon has been living with his parents without a job.

Thus

Linking Words

, Mark is considered

Change preposition

apply

show examples

a thriving person

while

Linking Words

Simon is still facing adversities in his life. In conclusion, getting out of your accommodation plays a pivotal role in making you a powerful person.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, setting up a vision for yourself after you finish secondary school is crucial because it gives you more space to try diverse jobs and

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

open various businesses.

abdullahalraddadi1Tue May 06 2025

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Grammar/Spelling

Ensure grammar and spelling are consistent and correct. For example, 'high scool graduaters' should be 'high school graduates', and 'Independecy' should be 'Independence'.

Content Development

Make sure to elaborate on the main points more clearly. For instance, the ideas about planning for the future could use more specific examples or details to strengthen the argument.

Cohesion

Consider improving the transition between ideas to enhance coherence. Use clear linking words or phrases to connect your arguments more effectively.

Task Response

The argument presents a clear stance that leaving home is a positive development, which is central to the task.

Support for Ideas

Real-life examples, like those of your brother and the comparison between Mark and Simon, add relevance to your points.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

267 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
In many countries large amounts of foods are wasted. Why do you think people waste food in this way? What can be done to reduce the amount of food thrown away? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In the current world, there are several nations in which people starving for food. In contrast to this, many citizens are wasting their own food by throwing it away. There are number of humans who prefer to misuse the cuisines that they have. There can be many reasons why people prefer to squander their nutients. I will be discussing this in detail with some relevant examples.
7
band
These days we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television and this is having a negative impact on children's beahaviour.do you agree or disagree?
The increases in violence programs are a controversial issue all over the world. I personally believe that the amount of violence TV shows might affect children's attitudes is totally unacceptable for very important reasons.
7.5
band
Nowadays, some older people choose to live in the retirement communities with other people, rather than living with their adult children.
How to spend a life after retirement is arguably one of the most crucial decisions. While some would prefer to continue to stay with their children, I firmly believe that the advantages of embarking on the second part of their lives in a new community composed of retirees should not be overlooked.
7
band
Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree?
A large part of the population thinks that it is a great idea to make teenagers work in their free time to benefit the local community. Personally, I could not disagree more due to the following reasons. Teenagers are too young to work and they have to enjoy their age, furthermore, it would not be very positive for the local land because of demotivation.
6
band
Write a paragraph explaining the coffee production process.
The diagram illustrates the process of coffee production, consisting of growing coffee beans, transporting, and grinding.

In many countries around the world young people decide to leave their parents' home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a house with friends. Is this a positive or a negative development?

In many countries large amounts of foods are wasted. Why do you think people waste food in this way? What can be done to reduce the amount of food thrown away? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

These days we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television and this is having a negative impact on children's beahaviour.do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, some older people choose to live in the retirement communities with other people, rather than living with their adult children.

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree?

Write a paragraph explaining the coffee production process.